FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH: IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE. I HOPE YOU LIVE A LIFE YOU’RE PROUD OF, AND IF YOU FIND THAT YOU’RE NOT, I HOPE YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO START ALL OVER AGAIN.

—   f. scott fitzgerald

ben & leslie forever.

These two are the most perfect people in the world. 

My fave? 

Text Message Day. It's on my birthday, and it's the cutest thing. 

such fun!

I bought a keyboard. He's beautiful, and I'm learning to play Hero by Regina Spektor.
I took a taxi home after I bought it, and sitting awkwardly in the backseat with a box the length of my body, the taxi driver lit up and smiled at me in the mirror. "Keyboard, eh?!"
"Yeah, I'm learning how to play."
"Oh, you're new to it! That's awesome. My son plays the keyboard and he loves it. It's such a great instrument. Make sure you sing along with the music."
"Okay, I will."
"Enjoy it - and don't forget, sing along! Don't just play it. Sing."

I will, Mr Taxi Driver. I will.

ps: if you're reading this, thanks James! i probably never would have bought one had it not been for you, and our amazing lunchtime music room sessions. 

late night questions.

i wonder what my parents have gone through when it comes to love. 

did they ever fall for the wrong person? who did mum first fall in love with? what was he like? was he good to her? how did she act around him? how did he make her feel? did she make mistakes?

who did dad first love? dad, who didn't marry until he was in his 30s. did girls love him but he wasn't able to commit? or did he just not find a girl worth his love? he was scarred from his parents' divorce, he told me, and thought he'd never get married. then he met mum, and everything changed. was she his first love? what did he feel when he first met her? a funny feeling in his tummy? or a gradual feeling over time?

did they ever go through what i've been through or what i'm going through? i need to know i'm not alone. that things may be hard now, but they have a way of working themselves out.

queen of nostalgia.

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. I've learnt that the one thing that really gets me down is the fact that moments are fleeting. Things are so...inconsistent and people are changing all the time. I'm a nostalgic, forever holding on to the past and hoarding memories; photos, quotes, things people say, little memories etched in my heart. It's when these moments end I get this feeling like something's missing. When people change, you know, like all people do; when they act differently around you and you miss the times when they were lovely and you laughed and you were close and just everything.

I'm just finding it hard realising that things are never consistent and they always change and people might love you at one point but maybe not at another (and maybe I've loved people at one point and not at another). It's hard. It makes me want to bottle up feelings and moments and take them out whenever I'm blue, or maybe to tell someone, "look, you felt this way once! Remember? What happened?"

I love people, a lot. And I get used to people being around, a lot.

things that currently make my life:

bread's make it with you, NZ x factor, early morning runs, frank ocean, travel planning, new music, the lizzie bennett diaries, game of thrones book#2, monopoly cards drinking game, bffls, spotify, searching for sugarman, spontaneous basketball games, pregnant friends (baby bumps!), this article here, trying to learn the piano, cold brisk mornings, lorde's music (!!) and crumpets with marmite on them. 

oh and guess what guys?

i'll be missing out on 3 weeks of NZ winter and having 3 weeks of a US summer. how excited am i? just a bit.

amelie.

So perfect! I love this scene so much.

Humans of NY.

There's this Humans Of New York facebook page which is just fantastic. I adore it. Street portraits of the coolest city in the world (a statement which I believe, but cannot confirm...going there for the first time in July! eeee! I'll make my decision then).
Here are my faves.

"If you could be one age forever, what would it be?"

"Thirty or forty. Old enough to know who you are, but young enough that you still have plenty of mountains to climb."

"It's easy to get caught up in the competition. Whenever I do, I try to step back, play some guitar, and remember that it was my lifelong dream just to be here."

"He was training to be a surgeon when we got married. One night he came home from two days straight on the job, and I'd cooked him dinner. Right before he fell asleep in his plate of food, he asked me what movie I'd like to watch. I thought it was so sweet."

"He thinks he can beat The Old Man."

"She died 30 years ago in a tragic car accident."
"Have you stayed single since then?"
"Never married again, but never single. I don't like to be alone."

"I don't understand her...and I love that."

"Are you related?"
"Well, no."
"Friends?"
"Well..."
"Oh! Did you two just meet?"
"She's dating my son. It's Meet The Mom Day."

"I don't got no struggles, man. I got divorced six years ago. Then one day I looked up my first love on Facebook, and she was still single. Now I'm marrying the girl I lost my virginity to, and hopefully we'll grow old together."

"If you could give one piece of advice, what would it be?"
"Be in love."
"How many times have you been in love?"
"Once."

"Put me on the internet! Even on The Google!"

There's like a million more but I thought I'd stop with The Google gem. 

Love,

J

wise words there, harv.

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really."
- Harvey Milk

the absolute best.

"Once there was a Hushpuppy, and she lived with her daddy in The Bathtub.”