drinking a cold cup of tea.

When I was a young boy I used to ride around town on a pushbike and yell out to shop owners, and call to my friends. Sometimes they couldn't (or wouldn't) come out to play, so I was resume by myself. I was invincible.

It's getting colder. I wrap my shawls around me like an old woman, my knuckles swelling and my breath heavy. I shouldn't go outside as much as I should. "The cold air could cause pnumonia" Dr Randall said, sitting ten feet too far away from me. Well, I said to my own self, my stale home air could give me bad memories.
I do not feel old. I pump gas at the station and make my way to the school. As a woman with long legs, red pumps and sexy salt and pepper hair stalks out of the front doors (it's a Thursday, she always finishes early), I surprise her. She sighs. A weak smile, as always.
"Frank," she says. Her lips move slowly.
"Rose."
She's the Rose of my life, at the moment. But she does not know. "Are you well?" she makes small talk as I make real talk. I wish I had flowers. What flowers? Are roses too romantic, daisies too youthful, lilies too much like a wedding?
"I gotta go, Frank," she says shortly after she asks about my doctor appointments. Fuck those. I brush it away and I'm sure she noticed my staring at the ground. I saw her blood red shoes hit the pavement and dissappear into her car. My reflection frowns up at me from a dirty grey puddle, grey like the day, grey like now, grey like my life.
But not my heart. My heart is full. That is why it hurts.

forever young, i wanna be forever young.

I'm sitting here listening to Forever Young, and hoping and wishing.

Apparantley this was my neighbour Kieran's funeral song.

I wasn't there, but I was there in spirit...I can just picture now, how beautiful it would have been listening to this song and letting balloons fly.

Oh, Kez.

...I miss you at weird times. It's not that I never think about you. I don't often talk about you, but you're in my thoughts a lot. Sometimes, when I drive home, I picture you walking along with your school bag on your back, throwing stones into the drain, feeding the horse grass, walking over those road markers and flinging them back.

and making that witty joke about the fat guy on our bus that made me laaaaaaaaugh. God, I hated that guy.

I just thought of something. You were 14. You're totally Susie Salmon.

It's been a year. I hope your family is okay!

A laugh:

The Thin Lizzy ad + song!

"Mobile, hair style...blah blah...it's time to make up! with thin lizzaaaaaaaay"

IT MAKES ME LAUGH SO MUCH. HONESTLY.

Other things that bring the lols:

funny womaniser guy on Idol.

Anyone on Idol.

Southern accents.

America's funniest home videos.

"That's what she said"

Steve Carell.

Tripping up.

la vie

I miss you Becky - and your smiles!

I miss you Tara - and your prince William gossip!

I miss you Mel - and our gandhi talks!

I miss you everyone!

I miss you Wellington!

L.O.V.E.

Well, I was born a coal miner's daughter

In a cabin on a hill in Butcher Holler

We were poor but we had love

That's the one thing my Daddy made sure of

He shoveled coal to make a poor man's dollar.

My daddy worked all night in the Van Lear coal mine

All day long in the field hoeing corn

Mama rocked the baby at night

Read the Bible by a coal oil light

And everything would start all over come break of morn.

Daddy loved and raised eight kids on a coal miner's pay

Mama scrubbed our clothes on a washboard every day

I've seen her fingers bleed

To complain there was no need

She'd smile in Mama's understanding way.

In the summertime we didn't have shoes to wear

But in the wintertime we'd all get a brand new pair

From a mail-order catalogue, money made by selling a hog

Daddy always seemed to get the money somewhere.

I'm proud to be a coal miner's daughter

I remember well, the well where I drew water

The work we done was hard

At night we'd sleep, cause we were tired

I never thought I'd ever leave Butcher Holler.

Well a lot of things have changed, since way back when

And it's so good to be back home again

Not much left but the floor

Nothing lives here anymore

Just a memory of a coal miner's daughter.

This song gives me a funny, funny feeling. Like a feeling of nostalgia, the feeling of missing something but smiling at the memory.

I think it's the kind of song I'll sing when I grow up, because I'm...

a sawmiller's daughter!

one of the best movies. evs.

I was born a coal miner's daughter.

"Why do you grunt like that? You sound like an old bear growling!"

arrrrrrr!

I love that scene in Hook where they don't believe he's Peter Pan, and the Lost Boys are all on the other side of the line,

but that gorgeous little black kid studies Peter, places his hands on his face, and touches it over and over again.

And then he says "There you are!" when Peter smiles.

When I'm a mum, I'm gonna watch these movies with my kids, because they're so much more special growing up with them with shitloads of imagination :)

what lies beneath.

Things You May Not Know About Me: (if you don't stalk me, that is)

1) I suck at folding washing. I don't really care which way you fold it - you're going to wear it soon anyway!

2) I keep dreaming about my ideal wedding song.

3) I don't like maths and adding things up. I am not ashamed, I know I'm bad at it!

4) I love 13 Going On 30. Matt is the most adorable man in the world.

5) I wish that I could afford clothes that I want.

6) If I say "I'd marry it/him/her/that" then it means that I love it. But sometimes I say it about relatives. Gets a bit awkward.

7) I get snappy at really negative people who complain too much.

8) I used to crush on Frederick from The Sound of Music... :) who didn't?

9) I'm so interested in my parents' past and I still want to know so much. The other night I said, "Mum, what was your favourite subject in school? Your worst? Why?" and blah blah blah.

10) I would defend someone close to me to the days. There are certain people I get my claws out about, certain people I don't.

fin!

cats and wood boxes.

Mum just walked into the room where I sat on the computer and said,

"Jim, before you go to bed, can you get the cat out of the wood box?"

We stood there laughing for about a minute.

I hate how my cat is getting senile and I have to let him out every night so he doesn't piss the house, but I love how cute he is in where he sleeps!

we got two strong hearts.

staying up till 1.30 reading Marian Keyes for the first time is a good time! I've never read her before but this is so adorable! aww matt and maeve, katie and conall, lydia and andrei&gilbert, jemima and fionn (and maeve), such cute characters.

swimming tonight, eating tonight, seeing Toby tonight. making plans tonight.

haha, just found an awesome barbie dress I used to use when I was young and geeky. so cute. i wish i could wear that dress. pity i'm not size xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxsmall!

pointless post, but life's too short :)

best&worst.

The best film character for me right now is: May from The Secret Life of Bees. I simply adore her. Her crying wall was something that everyone should have. I love how she felt the pain of everyone.The worst film character: Tom Cruise's character Ray in War of the Worlds. It cracked me up so much how aggro he got when he played catch with his son, and when he was like "Come on guys, come round the back for a better view" and no one followed him. I was like ohhh awkward. kind of a try hard in a big way. Makes me lol a little bit.

stuffffff.

I've realised two things about myself over the past couple of days:

1) i can't do fart noises with my mouth. LOL.

2) i get real funny when i feel left out. like real snappy. it doesn't feel like me.

3) i hate being in the passenger seat with someone who speeds.

au revoir.

nice.

Woah, Justin's voice off The Hills is so attractive. Oh my gosh.

You don't even need to look at his face, his voice says it all. Mmmmhmmm.