the return

It's been a funny few months, you know. I realised when I was walking to the shop this morning, that this whole moving house thing is really good for me. Oh yeah, I'm moving house in two weeks! I can't wait.
But yeah, like I said, it's good for me. Lately I've been feeling very sorry for myself about certain things, and I haven't been feeling like myself. I hate that.

When I was going through my room today, I saw a card my friend Michelle gave me on my 20th birthday. It read: "Your never-ceasing positive attitude never fails to make me smile. You are a truly unique person, whom I think is just rad." And just like that, I remember. The Jamie who was always laughing and smiling about anything. The joker in the group. The one who saw the positive in everything. I love that Jamie. Recently, that Jamie has been pushed aside and this anxious, worried, pessimistic girl has taken over.

So I walked to the shop in the sun, with a perfect song on my iPod, and I just felt good about the world again. About things that are beyond my control. About people I really care about, and how I just want the best for them. About people who don't fit you, and the people who do. About trying to be the best I can be. I'm excited for: my weekly movie nights with James, moving house with my besties Pauline & Kate, my summer in Tauranga with the family, Ellie Goulding in June (got tickets!!!!!) and a new year where anything could happen.

And with that, I'm good.

yes

"Well, you were a dancer,
and I was a rag.
The song in my head,
well, it was all that I had.
Hope was a letter I never could send,
well, love was a country we couldn't defend."

- Big Black Car, Gregory Alan Isakov

turn down the lights.

His voice is better than chocolate. & that's saying something, because I love chocolate.

(also check out "Run Forever" & every other song on the album Prize...)

the unsaid.

Why yes. I do suffer from this. 

x

sneak peek

it's getting warmer. 

i'm getting weaned off tights, scarves and coats. i finally have an excuse to shave my legs! i also almost sweat when i walk to work now. this is new. 

it's 8:23pm and my curtains are open, windows wide and the sky is this beautiful, blue-pink colour. it's like a canvas that i want on my wall. all i have to is keep my windows open and i have a sunset feature wall. 

i can't wait for summer. 

"City lights lay out before us, and your arm felt nice wrapped around my shoulder.

I had a feeling that I belonged, I had a feeling I could be someone." 

The Day You Read This

The Day You Read This

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head, and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn't make any of it any less real.

The soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you're free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are the reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that's why it's worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up to this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

- Anonymous, I Wrote This For You

hey dear.

"I know that if you look, you'll see that I'm an open book. It's just in this world, I don't know my way around."

once upon a night.

I wish I could go back to the night we watched Passion Pit live shows on YouTube and lay with our heads resting on each others heads, where we watched Vines and giggled and talked about how it was like we were having a sleepover. Where we suddenly kissed, and kissed until 2am and we were so tired and at work, we would look at each other and say "I keep thinking about last night".
The truth is, I haven't stopped thinking about that night.

petit amelie.

“So, little Amélie, your bones aren’t made of glass. You can take life’s knocks. If you let this chance go by, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton.”

— Amélie. 2001.

trees vs leaves

That's the thing about people, you know. They are not the roots of trees, stuck in the soil for a lifetime. They are leaves, changing with the seasons, their destination always changing and dependent on the wind.
They change colour, they are moved and directed by outside forces.
People change all the time. They will be there for you and then they won't. They will care then not care, love then not love, hate then not hate.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a tree, and everyone around me are leaves.

Song of the Week, Month, Year.