NY!

New years resolutions...they don't always work out, but I'm determined to really make something of mine this year. 

This time, I'm really going to try. Not because they're new years resolutions, but because there are some things I really do need to work on...and maybe the fact that it is new years will help me actually make these changes!

So, without further ado - here are mine, 4 days early:

1. To read more - I mean, read constantly, every night, every day. I don't go through enough books each year, and as a book lover this is a disgrace!
2. To run at least 2 times a week. This is a fair enough goal, I think, since I have only been running once a month...
3. To save up for the USA in June! 
4. To make a dent in the novel I've been wanting to write since forever. It ain't gonna write itself (or at least I don't think it will...)

My new years will probably consist of hanging with my sisters and co, having drinks and sing alongs to awesome music. I'm excited! Can't wait for 2013 =)

x

absolute fave song.

take me out tonight, where there's music and there's people and the young and the light.
driving in your car, i never never want to go home because i haven't got one anymore.
take me out tonight, because i want to see people and i want to see light.
driving in your car, oh, please don't drop me home because it's not my home it's their home and i'm welcome no more.

if a double decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.
and if a ten tonne truck kills the both of us, to die by your side, well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.

take me out, tonight. take me anywhere, i don't care, don't care, don't care.
and in the darkened underpass i thought "oh god, my chance has come at last," but then a strange fear gripped me and i just couldn't ask.
take me out, tonight. oh, take me anywhere, don't care, don't care, don't care.
driving in your car, i never never want to go home because i haven't got one, oh, i haven't got one.

and if a double decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.
and if a ten tonne truck kills the both of us, to die by your side well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.

there is a light that never goes out.
there is a light that never goes out.
there is a light that never goes out.

- there is a light that never goes out, the smiths

lists.

"You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humour that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it's all bullshit. Because people aren't lists. And I've always wanted to be the person who made someone realise that. I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person that I am, and I want to show them that they didn't even know what they were looking for. People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. Nobody really knows what or who they want. Not until it's right in front of them."

- Marianna Paige.

 

the holiday.

one look at jude law's sexy face, i weep.
i love this movie.
the beautiful big bath tub, the snowy cottage, kate winslet's friendship with the old man, "don't blow away", jack black singing along to the music scores in the video store, jude law's cute kids, mr napkin head, "she had a great laugh." "what was that, she had a great ass?" and just everything about this movie.

le hobbito

why hello there, bloggers! it's been a while. forgive me. every time i go to write a post, i end up forgetting what i was going to write and give up. 

so, i'm going to dedicate this blog post to the hobbit film which is taking Wellington by storm, and the premiere that was basically the best thing ever.

now, i wasn't prepared enough to actually attend the red carpet properly. most people lined up for hours/some camped out the night before to make sure they got a place next to the red carpet. that wasn't me.  i had work that day. James and i wandered the red carpet during our lunch break, seeing all the sights, and the people dressed up (lots of hobbits!). it was amazing. it's fantastic. i am so darn proud.

the red carpet officially started at 4:30pm and i got there late. i couldn't see anything. a goddamn sea of people. i held my phone up in the air to take pictures, and practically bust my calf muscles being on tip toes the whole time. i heard the crowd shout "ELIJAAAAH!" when he apparently got out of the car, but i couldn't see anything but people's hair. i was mad at the tall people for being at the front. 

oh, and you know who i'm currently in love with? Aidan Turner who plays Kili. suuuuch a babe. in love. him and Martin Freeman who is flawless. 

here's what i saw: 

the hobbit, je t'aime. 

Substitute Teacher. The best.

"Is Jaykwalen here?"

"Uh, do you mean Jacqueline?"

"Okay, so that's how it's gonna be. Ya'll wanna play. Okay then, I got my eye on you Jaykwalen! Balakaye. Where is Balakaye at? No Balakaye here today?"

"My name is Blake."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? Blaaaaaake? What? Do you wanna go to war Balakaye? Cos I'm for real. You better check yoself. Okay. Dee-nice. Is there a Dee-nice? If one of ya'll says some silly ass name, this whole class is gonna feel my wrath. Now, Dee-Nice."

"Do you mean Denise?"

"SON OF A BITCH! You say your name right, right now."

"Denise?" 

"Say it right."

"Denise."

"Correctly."

"Denise." 

"Right."

"Dee-Nice."

"That's BETTER. Thank you. Now, is there an Aye-Aye-Ron? A-A Ron, where are you? Where is A-A Ron right now? No A-A Ron huh? Well you better be sick, dead or mute, A-A Ron..."

"HERE. Son of a bitch..."

"Why didn't you say it the first time I said it? I said it like four times, so why didn't you say it the first time I said A-A Ron?"

"...Because it's pronounced Aaron." 

"SON OF A BITCH!" 

So, my workmate and I have been quoting this nonstop. Actually. Key and Peele are the funniest! My favourite comedians. I'm pretty sure our other workmates think we're mad....

recently in my life...(said in Miranda's voice)

1. The election. I watched our good friend Obama's speech on livestream when I got home from work, and I was so happy I was basically punching my fist in the air. Love him. 

2. Friday after work I took a walk along the Wellington waterfront in the sun and read my book. It was fabulous - there were some buskers drumming away and there were people out eating ice cream. Summer's on its way! 

3. Oh hai, most devastating book ever. I'm really enjoying it though - I've seen the movie but I really wanted to see what the book was like. Kevin, ugh. The worst. 

Sorry guys, my camera is pretty much useless so i'm relying on instagram/my iphone to take all my pictures for me! It's been a good week, busy, but I've been really enjoying work at the moment. I've been rocking the phone calls and I feel really confident, so that's good! I also made a lovely new friend who looks like a mix between Adam Goldberg and Aziz Ansari (picture it...) and I couldn't be more happier.

If any of you have instagram, my username is jamieleecarter :) x

saturday night browsing.

The Top 10 Relationship Words That Aren't Translatable Into English

Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan, an indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego): The wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to start. 

Oh yes, this is an exquisite word, compressing a thrilling and scary relationship moment. It’s that delicious, cusp-y moment of imminent seduction. Neither of you has mustered the courage to make a move, yet. Hands haven’t been placed on knees; you’ve not kissed. But you’ve both conveyed enough to know that it will happen soon… very soon.

Yuanfen (Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and friends.

From what I glean, in common usage yuanfen means the "binding force" that links two people together in any relationship. 

But interestingly, “fate” isn’t the same thing as “destiny.” Even if lovers are fated to find each other they may not end up together. The proverb, “have fate without destiny,” describes couples who meet, but who don’t stay together, for whatever reason. It’s interesting, to distinguish in love between the fated and the destined. Romantic comedies, of course, confound the two.

Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese): The act of tenderly running your fingers through someone's hair.

Retrouvailles (French):  The happiness of meeting again after a long time. 

This is such a basic concept, and so familiar to the growing ranks of commuter relationships, or to a relationship of lovers, who see each other only periodically for intense bursts of pleasure. I’m surprised we don’t have any equivalent word for this subset of relationship bliss. It’s a handy one for modern life.

La Douleur Exquise (French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have.

When I came across this word I thought of “unrequited” love. It’s not quite the same, though. “Unrequited love” describes a relationship state, but not a state of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isn’t reciprocating, as well as the lover who desires. La douleur exquise gets at the emotional heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.

Koi No Yokan (Japanese): The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love. 

This is different than “love at first sight,” since it implies that you might have a sense of imminent love, somewhere down the road, without yet feeling it. The term captures the intimation of inevitable love in the future, rather than the instant attraction implied by love at first sight.

Ya’aburnee (Arabic): “You bury me.” It’s a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person, because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

The online dictionary that lists this word calls it “morbid and beautiful.” It’s the “How Could I Live Without You?” slickly insincere cliché of dating, polished into a more earnest, poetic term.  

Forelsket: (Norwegian):  The euphoria you experience when you’re first falling in love.

This is a wonderful term for that blissful state, when all your senses are acute for the beloved, the pins and needles thrill of the novelty. There’s a phrase in English for this, but it’s clunky. It’s “New Relationship Energy,” or NRE.

  

Saudade (Portuguese): The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost. Another linguist describes it as a "vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist."

It’s interesting that saudade accommodates in one word the haunting desire for a lost love, or for an imaginary, impossible, never-to-be-experienced love. Whether the object has been lost or will never exist, it feels the same to the seeker, and leaves her in the same place:  She has a desire with no future. Saudade doesn’t distinguish between a ghost, and a fantasy. Nor do our broken hearts, much of the time.

"You think that we don’t love each other? You know, I have loved this girl for nineteen years, Ben. That is fully half my life. I know everything there is to know about her. I know the mood she’s in when she wakes up in the morning - always happy, ready for the day. Can you imagine? I know that she is honest; she won’t even take the little shampoo bottles from the hotel room, or sneak into the movie theater for a double feature. She always buys a second ticket. Always. I know that we have the same values, we have the same taste, we have the same sense of humor. I know that we both think that organized religion is completely full of shit. I know that if she is ever paralyzed from the neck down, she would like me to unplug her - and I will. I know her position on just about everything, and I am on board. I am on board with everything about her, so you tell me, Ben. What better woman could I have picked to be the mother of my child?"

So, I just saw Friends With Kids and I loved it. Adam Scott just happens to be my new celebrity crush - how good looking can one guy be?! 

my dear.

"To me, our lives are fast approaching death. So, let's go out in my suit and your black dress."

- Ed Harcourt, 'Black Dress'

fireworks, cold feet and imagine dragons.

This song came on in the car today, when my friends Gemma and Josh and I drove to watch the fireworks at the lookout next to the Botanic Gardens and the cable car. It was perfect. I was huddled in the backseat in my ballet flats and thin silk pants, no raincoat or hat, ready (or shall I say, not ready) to go stand in the rain to watch the fireworks. Gemma and Josh were bickering cutely about where to park. We parked next to an old guy who creepily stared in at us, so we went and huddled up in the rain at the lookout to wait for the Wellington guyfawkes display. It's on every year, and it's amazing. Fireworks in the shape of planets, smiley faces, big sparkly globes, stars reaching to the heavens. Everyone oohs, and aahs, no matter how many times you've seen them. I've seen them every year since I've lived here - it's kind of like a tradition. Like Gemma said, though, the fireworks are never as good as the first time we saw them in 2008. Us, wide-eyed first years, never knowing what a true fireworks display was. Beaut.
I love hanging out with old friends. It reminds me of who I am, you know. I'm still that little first-year at heart.

"It's time to begin, isn't it? I get a little bit bigger, but then, 

I'll admit, I'm just the same as I was.

Now don't you understand,

That I'm never changing who I am?"

ben hawthorne. ultimate man.

My two favourite boys:

Can't get enough!

Halloween 2012 - the one where i was a cat.

Saturday night - oh, what a night! 

The first night I've ever stayed out until 6am. Ever. So, my friend Sarah and I scored free tickets to a Weta Workshop Halloween Party. Big deal. Very big deal. We found out like, 2 hours before it began so we didn't have much time to prepare! 

We started the night at my friend Sarah's flat BBQ which was fun - we took control of the iTunes and played party DJ. We've decided to quit our day jobs and become DJ's. Pretty excited. We then meandered into town and got a drink at one of our favourite bars, Kitty O'Sheas. Kitty plays amazing 90s music all night which is fan-freaking-tastic. The barman, named Charlie, gave us face paint so we then transformed each other into Harry Potter, and "Hermione-Post-Polyjuice-Potion" (remember when she turns into a cat?!).

 

We then made our way through the Halloween crowds (EVERYONE was dressed up, it was crazy) to the Weta Party. Can I just say, what an amazing party! The theme was "Apocolympics" so most people dressed as zombie sports players. The outfits were out of this world (as you can expect from the people who actually work for Weta Workshop...) so I felt like a bit of a chump with my whiskers. We drank corona's and befriended digital designers and the like. We became buds with a dragon who kept hitting people by accident with his wings (I gave him a wing hi-5) and a cool pink bunny.

We met up with Sarah's friend Laura and spent the rest of the night dancing at Electric Avenue, a rad night club that plays 80s and 90s music all night. It's pretty much amazing. I may or may not have pulled some, or all, of my muscles dancing. The Grease soundtrack, yes please. Gangnam style? Okay. Backstreet Boys, Ice Ice Baby, Can't Touch This, Push It, Total Eclipse Of The Heart, ohmygodohmygodohmygod. 

So, when the sun began to come up at 6am, I realised I better drag my drunk ass home. 

Some nights, eh?

one pair of glasses

I have this pair of vintage glasses with clear lenses, that I obvs never wear, but are the coolest.

My friend Simon spied them in my room tonight, and we played around with them. He loves anything vintage.
"I love glasses," I said, absent-mindedly.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, you quite like the boys in glasses, don't you?"
"Have I told you that before?"
"Once or twice..."
"Oh..Well, it's true. Boys in glasses...unf."

Glasses are my kryptonite, yo.
Also, we discussed who we would be in New Girl - Simon, according to my flatmate Pauline, would be Winston. Simon said that I'd be Jess and Pauline would be Cece. Yus! I love Jess! Pauline definitely has Cece's boobs, that's for sure.
That's another cool-tv-character-i've-been-related-to. Someone said I'm like Lesley Knope from Parks & Rec and Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. Now I've got Jess to add to my list. Shucks, guys. Shucks.

Alright, back to Breaking Bad!
#obsessed.

You Deserve To Fall In Love.

You deserve love. Not just any kind of love but, like big “I think I’m going to puke if you touch me (in a good way) and regress into a 16-year-old psycho if you don’t text me back” kind of love. You deserve to feel like a sexual being and have someone around who wants to see you naked all the time and doesn't mind that you have cellulite or that your stomach has terrifying pockets of fat because bodies are flawed and you better deal with it, bitch.

You deserve to be proven wrong, to be brought back to life by someone’s kindness at a time when you thought that no one would ever love you again. The song does not remain the same. Lo and behold, the person you like actually wants to date you and now you know that you’re not the hideous monster you thought you were. Your faith has been restored. You’re lovable. You have the relationship to prove it.

You deserve to have high highs again, even if that means experiencing the occasional low. You forget the euphoria you often feel when you fall in love. You know on a certain level that it feels amazing but you forget the specifics. Like, how your life immediately becomes a stupid Taylor Swift song and your heart does somersaults over something as simple as a sweet text message or phone call. Every ounce of maturity and pride you've carefully cultivated over the years disappears and suddenly you’re just another person who’s fallen in love and is acting like a smitten teenager. It’s totally embarrassing but you’re too happy to care.

You deserve to do annoying couple-y things like making each other mixes, walking down the street hand-in-hand, making out in bars, and posting stupid pictures of the two of you on Facebook. Yes, everyone will hate you but, screw it, you’re in love! You’re owed this experience. You've never been that annoying person in a relationship, or at least you haven’t in awhile, so why not just go for it and let everyone know you’re in love? Your internet presence will suffer but who needs validation from the internet when you have a real life person giving you a scalp massage before bed every night?

You deserve compassion, understanding, oral sex, long, lingering make out sessions, and spooning. You deserve to feel safe and spoken for. Most importantly, you deserve passion. Big, messy, disgusting, and beautiful passion. Having that means you’re living and loving with a capital L. You've unlocked the secret. You get it now.

You only live once so why don’t you love a lot? Time is too precious to sit around and deny yourself this kind of romantic fulfillment. When you think of all the time you've wasted closing yourself off from human connection, doesn't it make your heart sick? We were built to love. Go do your job, dammit!

- Ryan O'Connell, Thought Catalog

um, yes.

everything about this article. 

I'm having a read of this article, 23 Things No One Cares About But You, and I realised how many things I can relate to. So much. I find that I can be quite an awkward person at times, and I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

These are my faves:

1. Thinking that the people watching you cross the street from inside their cars are judging your face, clothing or the way you walk.


3. Thinking you’re causing sidewalk congestion by moving to the side to check your phone even though you’re not sure what else to do.


4. Shame that you messed up the dinner you made for yourself last night, meaning you’re not ready to be an adult. (So. Freaking. Much. Sorry boys, I'm not quite housewife material yet!) 


6. Thinking people are still not sure about you after a stupid joke you made a zillion years ago.


7. Accidentally making eye contact with a stranger more than once, meaning you’re a creep.


10. How many times you coughed lightly during a conversation.


13. If you stared too long at someone’s dog as they walked by. Do they think you’re going to like, steal their dog now? (Every morning, I smile at the two pugs this old man takes for a walk. I smile at the pugs, not the man. He must think I'm a loony.)


14. That you wore the same dress twice around the same people, and they might think you never change clothes. (At university, me and my friend made Friday our waistcoat day. Every Friday I'd wear my waistcoat, and unfortunately that was the only day I had my International Relations class. Those people only ever saw me in a waistcoat. Awks.)


15. If you haven’t seen the latest Breaking Bad episode or ever watched Mad Men and you think people will find you out of touch or boring.


17. Accidentally saying “you too” when a server says, “Enjoy your meal.” (or, alternatively, "Happy Birthday!" "You too!")


19. How nerdy or not nerdy or cool and uncool you were in high school. It’s over, no one cares about high school anymore.

leo throwback.

"My only love sprung from my only hate."

nostalgia.

"There is a word in Portuguese that has no direct English translation. At times, it can be used to express an emotional longing for a beloved and absent person or thing. The word is “saudade” and it refers to a nearly indefinable nostalgic condition. Some say saudade is “the love that remains” after someone or something is gone… All of my dislocated memories hurt less when I stop twisting around to see what’s behind me, so I’m going to try to glance back a little less."
- Thought Catalog

4 parties later...

In four years I've had four grand birthday parties. 

When I turned 20, we had a 60s themed birthday full of handjives, the Boat That Rocked and Hairspray soundtracks and lots of dancing. I wore a ridiculous striped dress that I still have in my closet. 
When I turned 21, we had a tea party theme and it was literally (said in Chris from Parks & Rec's voice) the best night. Lots of amazing people from both uni and from my hometown came, hilarious speeches, and my flatmate Simon and I did a huge dance and sing to "Under Pressure". We ended the night at Boogie Wonderland (my fave nightclub of all time).
When I turned 22, I had a 90s themed birthday even though no one, including me, dressed 90s. We listened to Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys all night and had the rugby world cup in the background. I may or may not've gotten drunk. 
When I turned 23, my workmates came. I love my workmates. My friend brought me Primo chocolate milk for my birthday (inside joke). We drank the weakest, most sweetest punch in the world and listened to the weird music on my iTunes.

It's funny looking back on how I may have changed - my hair, frizzy, straight in the next. Red faced. Tan, , pale like Edward Cullen.

Each party brought different people together. My 23rd made me realise what people are missing from my life; my friends Tara, Nicole, Becky and Kate. It felt somewhat empty without them there, those who know me so well. I feel like Wellington is not the same without those lovelies, but I need to make the most of the people that are here. I appreciate all of my friends, you know. I think they're all bloody fabulous. 
And I appreciate my birthday parties. 

song of the day - old pine.

Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags, 
I've come to know that memories
Were the best things you ever had
The summer shone beat down on bony backs
So far from home where the ocean stood 
Down dust and pine cone tracks

We slept like dogs down by the fire side
Awoke to the fog all around us 
The boom of summer time

We stood
Steady as the stars in the woods
So happy-hearted
And the warmth rang true inside these bones
As the old pine fell we sang
Just to bless the morning.



this song makes me so, so excited for summer,
for the heat,
the friends,
the family,
home. 
i freaking adore ben howard. 

patience.

I have a journal, and I just found this thing I wrote a little while back which makes me smile:

I'll meet my beau one day - coffee shop, bookstore, zoo, train, New World Metro, plane. On the phone. Or on the street. In some unexpected place.
One day.
I'll know. It'll be right. He'll make me feel smart. Funny. Beautiful. Sexy. Lovely. Romantic. Equal. A best friend.
We'll get a dog. 
We'll cook and drink together. 
We'll talk in bed all night. I'll sleep-talk, and he'll laugh. He'll snore and I'll hate it (but love him). 
We'll both read, a lot. We'll both watch a lot of TV shows. Marathons every weekend. 
He'll buy me presents. 
I'll give him massages. 
We'll fight about small things, then we'll make up because we're both so sorry, and "I love you". 
He'll propose. I'll say no (but be joking, then say "YES!"). 
Patience, my dear. Patience. 


This is why I love having a journal - finding these pieces that I wrote that meant so much to me at the time, that I had completely forgotten about. This piece is one of my faves.
This guy.

dear friend.

listening to:



my new fave.

beautiful.

“I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through. Tell me what the word “home” means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name just by the way you describe your bed room when you were 8. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms? Or would you leave the snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice how that tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad, even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind. Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel. See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people’s wounds.”

—	Andrea Gibson

taken from this delightful blog! thank you for the inspiration x

UNI, 23 and plans.

"Because, if I was gunna go somewhere, I'd be there by now,

And maybe I can let myself down, ohh.

And thinking that I'm unaware, I keep my feet on the ground, keep looking around, to make sure I'm not, the only one to feel low,

Because if you want, I'll take you in my arms and keep you sheltered, from all that I've done wrong,

And I know you'll say, that I'm the only one.

But I know that God made another one of me to love you better than I ever will."

- U.N.I, Ed Sheeran

One of the main things I got out of my trip to Tauranga a couple of weeks ago, was the appreciation for Ed Sheeran's "U.N.I". I'd always skipped that song on my ipod, never truly stopping to listen to the lyrics, or appreciate the changing quickness and slowness of the pace. We were in the car travelling back home from the airport in Auckland to home in Tauranga, and my sixteen-year-old nephew was listening to his ipod. 
"What's your fave Ed Sheeran song?" he asked.
"Um. Probably Give Me Love."
"I love U.N.I."
"What's that?" I honestly had no clue. I always thought it was pronounced "Uni". Awks.
He put one of the headphones in my ears, and we both just sat in silence listening to it, and then the rest of +. It was great. I was happy, you know those moments where you get that happy feeling in your tummy.
I get that feeling a lot. 

Life is good.
It's my birthday tomorrow! I am 23. Vingt trois. Old! I'm making a playlist/cleaning my room for my birthday party on Saturday as we speak.
On the agenda - my birthday tomorrow, then Wearable Arts on Thursday, party on Saturday. Pretty excite. 

garden state of mind.

the tale of the spanner.

I wish I had, or was, a spanner.

Okay, here's the story behind the spanner.
My good friend told me that on Saturday night she went out drinking with some of her flatmates (she has recently moved into a flat with four guys...New Girl, much?!) and one of the guys named Robbie was talking about this girl he liked and how his friend liked her, and it was all this huge drama. Robbie and my friend were talking all night, and they got along really well, and then he turned to her and said "Has anyone ever called you a spanner?"
My friend looked offended and said "That's not a very nice thing to say!"
He then said, "No, it's not a bad thing at all...it's like, "throw a spanner in the works". You're the spanner in my works." Basically meaning, I suppose, that he now likes her.
My friend was shocked, and told him that she's not ready for a relationship etc. She does not like him like that, etc.

I relayed this all to my workmate today. He had a few laffs, and then he said "Is there a spanner in your works, Jamo?"

I said no. I have no spanner in my works, nor am I a spanner in anyone's works (well, I don't think I am...you never really know, do you?).
I want to be a spanner.

In someone's works.

forever alone.

I phoned my mum today at work.
Note: I rarely call my mum out of the blue, usually we text beforehand "is now a good time?"

So, I called her to confirm the airport pick up tomorrow morning (I'm going home for a week, SO excited!)

Mum: "Hello?"
Me: "Helloooo, it's Jamie!"
Mum: *Silence* "Hi..."
Me: "Hey! I, uh, I'm just calling to let ya know what time my pick up is!"
Mum: *Silence* "Uhh...okay?"
Me (starting to get a bit weirded out that Mum doesn't care about me calling her...forever alone): "Yeah, so it's at 9:30!"
*silence*
Me: "Are you there?"
Mum: "Yes, I uh..."
Me: "Mum, it's me...it's Jamie."
Mum: "NO WAY. Jamie! OH MY GOD. I am so sorry, I thought you were someone who had the wrong number! You sound different on the phone..."

Gawd, Mum. Way to make a girl feel special.
I love her.
Even when she doesn't recognise my voice.

it's a pug life.

There's this pug, I know...she's the one I'm dreaming of, oh oh. She looks in my eyes, takes me to the clouds above, uh huh. 

My sister has the cutest pug called Betty and I love her. She's my little buddy every time I go up to Auckland. Cutest snore, cutest snuffle, cutest little tail.

girlsgirlsgirlsgirls

these are amazing!

there's nothing i'm more excited for than girls season 2. 

well, maybe game of thrones season 3. 

or the fact that i'm going to tauranga on saturday to see my family.

eee!

time to go get ready for work. got 15 minutes, and i'm not dressed yet. 

death of a phone & chocolate olives.

good things:
- make up splurge
- me and the bestie watched Step Up 4 (in France they call it Sexy Dance 4...ahahaha)
- i watched lots of 30 rock yesterday. lots.
- my bestie is back from france!

bad things:
- my phone broke.

the good outweighs the bad, so that's a relief, but the phone sitch is pretty lame.

on wednesday, i stupidly put my drink bottle in my bag with EVERYTHING and it leaked EVERYWHERE. all over my phone, charger, my creative writing (i had to hand out my soggy writing that night at our meeting, saying "sorry guys, it's a bit wet..."), my wallet, everything. i regret it, big time.
my phone as a result has never been the same since. it's been turning off and on every five minutes, with a very loud start-up noise (my workmate said "is there any way to turn that thing off?!" yes, it was very annoying) and has not been charging.
as of last night, may it rest in peace. it's kaput. done for. it's my first smartphone and i've managed to break it after three months. high five, right? i took it into the 2degrees phone store today and they said i need to take it to this other store tomorrow and they may be able to fix it. emphasis on the may. i am having the biggest withdrawls (instagram, draw something, texting people...the usual.)

to get me out of my phone depression, i went and had lunch at gloria jeans coffee and read magazines all morning. my fave thing to do :) during uni, i would always pop down the cable car to Borders with my friend Becky, grab a handful of magazines and we would sit there for hours, reading and drinking coffee.
i then went on a make-up mission at Farmers.

toes and fingernails are all painted, and i'm sitting here eating chocolate olives my bestie bought back from her trip to france. they are DELICIOUS! (note: they are not olives, but chocolate covered almonds with a olive-y decorated outside. so yum.)

blues.

I have a tendency to get sad. Not sobbing on my bed (well, there have been the odd occasions) kinda sad, but just this feeling of absolute sadness that comes out of nowhere and just takes over. Whenever this happens, I try and figure out what the cause is - usually it's my shyness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not always this quiet, timid person. I have a massive laugh, and once I'm comfortable with someone I will chew your ear off and crack rad jokes. But it's when I'm not comfortable with people, is when I'm shy and awkward. It really gets me down. It's the things that I want to say, but I can't, it's those moments where I could've said something but I didn't, those moments where other people say all the right things at the right time, but I don't.
It's me comparing myself with other people. Me wishing I was smart, beautiful, with the funny one-liners. It's me regretting what I haven't said. I find myself waking up every morning thinking, today I'll say what I want to say and I'll say what I mean. But then the shyness takes over. 

I'm determined to not let this get to me. I am more than my shyness. I am so, so much more. 

disposable camera goodness

at my bestie's cousin's 21st birthday (mouthful!), disposable cameras were handed out to certain party-goers to "document the night".

bad idea giving us the camera! we didn't really know anyone so we ended up just taking pictures of ourselves and other people taking pictures. 

the top picture is my favourite :) you can see random images of other people over us. it's fab.