post 9/11 depression.

i had a dream on saturday night that i was in new york when the towers fell on 9/11.

i dreamed that me and my workmates were having breakfast in new york, across the water (i've never been to new york so i'm not sure where!) and we could see the city perfectly. it was then the planes flew, one by one, into the twin towers. i saw it happen, and we all gasped in shock and awe. later, i saw the building start to crumble. i turned to james, and tiffany, and said "do you think we'll be able to feel the ground shake?" and we did. it was like an earthquake. we sat there screaming. 

when i woke up, i felt like it had just happened, like that fateful day was today. it was almost like i was finally just now reacting to it, more than ten years later.
on september 11 2001, i was a mere 11 year old girl not fully understanding or comprehending what happened. i knew "america had been bombed" and that many people died, and that towers and planes were involved. i saw footage on tv. i saw. but i didn't really...see. little new zealand, so far away.

i spent all of last sunday in bed, watching youtube clips after youtube clips, pouring over wikipedia articles and websites, all about what happened. i began reading extremely loud and incredibly close that night, and fell in love. i felt such an overwhelming sadness and grief over what happened. i watched "phone calls from the towers" and bawled my eyes out. i lay in bed that night lamenting over those that were lost, and everything that happened.

it happened more than 10 years ago, and i really just can't handle. i can't get over it.

okay, time to go back to reading extremely loud and see what oskar's up to. that boy is my ultimate fave. 

film festival fun!

i am jealous.

everyone else is going to see moonrise kingdom but me. why, wellington film festival, why! why did you have to only make one viewing? why did you have to make it sell out before i even knew it was coming? 

so i printed off the entire wellington film festival movie guide at work on friday, and guess how many pages it was? 84. i kid you not. i didn't realise until i stood at the work printer, with people lining up behind me, saying "sorry guys...i won't be too long...heh..." embarassing! using the work printer for 84 pages of movie goodness. 

i've decided to go and see on the road, even if i go by myself, because i am so freaking excited for that movie. i'm not a huge fan of k-stew, but garrett hedlund is dashing and i enjoyed the book. i also wouldn't mind seeing:

wish you were here

11 flowers

i wish

bernie

bully

neil young journeys

i am so excited! movies and books are hands down my life. eeeeee! 

have you guys seen any of these? thoughts? 

good life.

I was so happy today, for the following reasons:

1) My sister Melissa is getting married next March! i cannot express my excitement, and our family always has the best weddings. we rule. last time we had a wedding, we all danced in a circle to "The Gambler". See, we do rule. 

2) My sister Sam is trying to have a baby. It slipped out when she said "oh, I might be pregnant at the wedding" and I double took. Woohoo! 

3) One of my best friends Sarah is moving to Wellington in like, two weeks. I haven't seen her for a year because she's been in Scotland, so she needs to prepare for some mega hugs. and movie nights. and junk food. 

4) I've been listening to the Girls soundtrack, and those songs are enough to lift my mood no matter what. Especially "White Nights" by Oh Land.

5) Work has been a lot of fun! For example, funny baby names, cute customers (the guy who offered to pay for a new birth certificate, and when I told him that I'd give it to him for free: "I can pay for it," he said, "I don't want to cause any inconvenience!" Bless his wee soul) and funny work mates. I do like them, a lot. 

There's a lot going on, and I really can't wait.

when liz lemon meets oprah...

Picture this: me sitting in bed eating barbecue Shapes and coke (after a workout...good one Jamie) and guffawing relentlessly to 30 Rock. I'm a mega fan of 30 Rock, but I've only just obtained season 3 onwards from le workmate. Life = made.

This scene made me laugh so hard, I can't even...It's when Liz Lemon meets Oprah (or shall I say, "Pam")on the plane from Chicago to NY, and she's taken a pill made for animals and she's goin' cray cray.

"I'm trying to adopt a baby but my job is making it impossible. Because my work-self is suffocating my life me. I'm Liz Lemon and I lost my virginity at 25. I saw the show about following fear and it inspired me to wear shorts to work! It didn't go great...Do you know Tracy Jordan? Hah I took a pill earlier...I didn't get my September issue of O magazine, do you have the number for subscriptions? ahahaha, why would you! I eat emotionally, and one time on summer camp I kissed a girl on a dare and then she drowned. And here comes some more stuff, I hate my feet and once I had a sex dream about Nate Berkus and halfway through he turned into Dr Oz, has that ever happened to you?"

Liz Lemon and Lesley Knope are my soul sistahs.

this song should be called "Jamie"

Everyone seems so certain
Everyone knows who they are
Everyone’s got a mother and a father
They all seem so sure they’re going far
They all got more friends than they can use

Except me ‘cause I’m a fool
I’m as simple as a bee
As a melody in C
But it don’t matter
There are more wishes than stars

Every guest
So pleased with themselves
They’re brimming with success
Their whole life’s been blessed
But it don’t matter

Everyone’s been on a holiday in the sun
Or they just got back from one
All they do is just have fun
They all got more friends than they can use

I’m not too certain about many things
I’m not too sure who I am
I ain't got no mother and I ain't got no father
I ain't got no girlfriend to hold my hand

I’m slow like the trees when they grow
I’m sluggish like the ocean when it moves
I’m plain like water or like rain
But I shouldn’t complain cause it don’t matter

There are more wishes than stars
More wishes than stars

girls, girls, girls.

So, basically Girls is my favourite TV show of all time. Move over everyothertvshowintheworld, Girls is flawless.

The characters make me realise how normal I am, no matter how weird I am. If that makes sense?
Hannah is awkward, hilarious, she speaks her mind and she reminds me so much of one of my good friends. Her attitude to life is so familiar to me. Shoshannah is innocent, naive and ditsy. Plus, she shortens words like me, so she's pretty much amazing. Jessa is incredibly beautiful, free and has a style to die for. Marnie has a practicality and a flawless beauty that I wish I had. I think I just want to be all four of them combined into one amazing person.

Plus, they play the coolest songs in the credits: have a listen!

I had a weird night, weird start to the weekend - keen to make it better by having a delicious brunch with my good friend Yasmin tomorrow morning! Simply Paris, here we come!

collection of thoughts.

Oh to,

be young again,

to be loved like that, &

to run away somewhere (hopefully, though, not to die in the atlantic ocean)

i'm in a wishful, wistful mood. 

novels.

Most people go out and party in the weekend...

My flatmate and I spent all weekend writing our novels. Cool kids, huh? I know. Too cool for school, sitting there on the couch, chatting, reading out extracts and getting all excited about what was happening in each other's novels.

Le flatmate's novel is turning out amazing! I'm so excited for it, it's shaping up to be such a beautiful story.

My own one? Still coming along! At the moment it's called "Flower Feeling", a name the flatmate gave it because the protaganist works at a florist, and feels what everybody else feels (more to come). I got quite far on Sunday, writing about 2,000 words, so let's hope I can keep this up for my next creative writing meeting on the 25th! My amazing creative writing class that I took in 2010 and I get together a couple of times a year to share stories, ideas and have great chats. I love them!

I've been quite relaxed lately.
I really enjoy having laughs with Pauline before she goes to bed at 7 (the life of a baker, huh?), and I also  love my own company after that. I really appreciate just laxing, reading, singing along to tunes, and clearing my head before I go to bed. Last night I had a late shower and read in bed, and I honestly haven't been that happy in a while.

Here's a beautiful song to listen to as you fall asleep tonight x

weekly faves.

okay, so here are my latest faves:

songs:





digging 90s music! take me back to my 22nd 90s themed birthday, please.

TV:

'girls' - amazing!

books:

all of these are rather amazing. rather.
off to watch an episode of Girls and have a nice hot milo and toffee pops. heaven, much?

adventures & lols.

on saturday, my two good friends and i road tripped out to Petone and Lower Hutt, suburbs just out of Wellington. i've never been before, so we were pretty excited - my retro camera app in hand (gah, i'm obsessed!), singing along to Darren Criss songs, being dorks. it was a blast with those two, i tell ya! i love them. one of them is my flatmate Pauline, who is probably the funniest person in the world, and the other is my great friend Tara who is lovely as heck. she's leaving for Europe next friday. sad? yes. excited for her? of course! 

monday, my childhood best friend Laura came to stay. she is one of my absolute favourite people in the entire world, hands down. no matter how many years go by, we will always be as close as the kids we once were. we met when we were four, and i just adore her so much. we had deep and meaningfuls over chinese food, and have those late night talks in the dark before you fall asleep. j'adore.

she said something that i'll always carry with me. she told me she thinks i have the biggest heart out of everyone in the world, and that i'm truly a very special person. gawd, what do you say to that? my heart swelled. she said that i also have a very unique style that she, and everyone she knows admires. I LOVE YOU.

it's strange hearing what other people think about you - especially when you don't even know. lately i've had a somewhat negative view of myself, but it's flipped entirely around now. i can breathe again.