just wondering

I hate the saying 'R.I.P'. RIP just looks so...insensitive. Okay, it's really 'rest in peace', but just R.I.P looks really morbid, like something from a Goosebumps book.

:)

Are you mine? Are you mine?

Cos I stay here all the time,

Watching telly, Drinking wine,

Who'd have known, Who'd have known?

When you flash up on my phone,

I no longer feel alone,

No longer feel alone.

dream on.

Life is cruel sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, it's bloody swell and splendid and there's beauty in everything you see, but,

it can be cruel.

It can totally treat you wrong, and make you just sit there, wondering, "Why can't it be perfect like the movies?"

Why can't it be that the quiet girl gets whatever she has wished for? That someone notices her, out of everyone else, and sees so much in her?

This does not happen to everyone. To every quiet girl.

Some are left to slowly fade away and become swallowed by everything else.

I'm falling in like.

It happens all the time. But it's been a while.

People.

People are effing awesome. No matter what they say, people matter. Laughter and compliments and interest, even if awkwardness prevails, at least you have memories and people who are around you. I love it. My memory is long. I'll remember everything you'll say.

bright star.

"A poem needs understanding through the senses. The point of diving into a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore but to be in the lake, to luxuriate in the sensation of water. You do not work the lake out, it is a experience beyond thought. Poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to accept the mystery. "

"I love mystery."

say it loud, say it clear.

I found this Proust survey on Here Comes The Sun's blog, and I thought I'd give it a try! I love surveys.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR? to lose someone I love.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WAY OF SPENDING TIME? laughing with friends, watching a tv-on-dvd and going for a walk with my ipod. Everytime.

WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE? My mum. And another is my sister Sam.

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL HERO? Alexander Barrington from The Bronze Horseman and Amir from The Kite Runner.

WHO ARE YOUR REAL-LIFE HEROES? I actually haven't a clue. The word hero always confuses me.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION? my diaries, my photos and my books.

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST? Travelling through America with my family! and in Vic House for first year, was my favourite year I've had so far.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST OBVIOUS CHARACTERISTIC? very nice, shy, goofy.

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS? selfishness, a lack of compassion, and people who do not see both sides of every story.

WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE? my legs.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT? writing for salient, getting an a for english and just achieving independence :)

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Somewhere snowy but nice in the summer, maybe Canada, or somewhere in the USA.

WHAT IS IT YOU MOST DISLIKE? feeling left out.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST IN YOUR FRIENDS? the ability they have to make me laugh in any situation!

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE? in a fire. jokes jokes, peacefully and ready.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO (WORDS YOU LIVE BY OR THAT MEAN A LOT TO YOU)? "You only live once."

WHO HAS BEEN THE GREATEST INFLUENCE ON YOU? My parents, and honestly, everyone I have ever met.

le wind

Loneliness is a funny, funny thing.

For me, I feel it when there's no one around. Obvs. But sometimes I feel it when I'm in a situation where I just don't feel safe. Even though I'm around like a million people, or ten.

I felt it last night,

but I'm sure I will be back on my feet in no time!

The wind in Wellington is blowing strong, even down in my little gully in my new flat. The flowers (I don't know their names) and the trees and the mint is blowing to and fro, and I can hear the roar of the WIND either through trees, or through...something more mysterious?

It sounds like a horror movie. But it's sunny and 11.44am so I'm safe.

30 rock (rocks).

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a..."

"He's leavin, on that midnight train to georgia, leavin' on that midnight train yeah!"

"You guys don't know the real meaning of Christmas... Christmas is sitting around a crackling fire with family and friends...waiting for the owl meat to cook."

*awkward silence*

and i got a feeling, i'm not the only one.

You know those little decisions, those hard ones, the ones that aren't hard because you're worried about other people but hard because you actually don't know what you want.

man, they're hard!

Someone tells you 'Look, honestly, just tell me what YOU WANT. Do what YOU want."

and it's like, well, I would, if I actually knew...

I start l'university soon. I'm so excited to finally start writing notes! I love writing notes. And then that fun feeling you get when you think 'Yus I'll study this when I get home!' but you don't end up doing it, but the feeling's fun anyway.

yes.

Oh, you get me ready in your '56 Chevy, why don't we go sit down in the shade? Take shelter on my front porch, the dandy lion sun scorching, would you like a glass of cold lemonade? I will do the laundry, while you pay all the bills. Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie son? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?

Why don't you stay the evening, kick back and watch the tv, while I fix a little something to eat?

Ohhh, I know your back hurts from working on the tractor. How do you take your coffee, my sweet?

I will raise the children, while you pay all the bills.

Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie son? Where is my happy ending?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

I am wearing my new dress tonight but you don't even notice me.

We finally sold the Chevy when we had another baby, and you took that job in Tennessee.

You made friends at the farm and you join 'em at the bar almost every single day of the week.

I will wash the dishes, while you go have a beer.

Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie son? Where is my happy ending?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Where is my Marlboro man? Where is his shiny gun? Where is my lonely ranger?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Miracle.

Something awesome happened to me yesterday. All day I had been thinking "I really want to listen to this song..." It was that song that goes "As I lay me down to sleep, yes I pray, that you will hold me near"...

I told myself I'd download it when I got home.

I hadn't heard it for ages and wished it was played more.

I got in my car to drive home from my friend's place and ten minutes down the road I decided I didn't want to listen to my tape anymore, so I flicked on the radio and found a random station...

THIS SONG JUST STARTED PLAYING!

I had a weird little cry, thinking, why oh why did this just happen?

Brilliant.

j'adore

What's been happening lately?

I made friends with a cute baby called Oliver,

I got taught how to rock and roll dance by a guy who looked like McLovin,

his name was Wayne and I kept having the urge to say "Hiiiiiiii Wayne" like Stacey off Wayne's World,

attended my bff Nicole's 21st birthday party,

and fell in love with her family,

and have been watching the Winter Olympics AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL day.

:-)

dance, dance.

Alexander Smirnov and Yuko Kavaguti have stolen my heart, in a big way. God they were gorgeous!

They had swans on their costumes, she was tiny, she was this tiny little Mongolese girl, with a huge smile, and a tiara, he was tall and dark and handsome with Gaspard Ulliel's hair and the most beautiful face I've seen.

So beautiful, i want to figure skate!

YES YES I DO.

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS!

R.I.P, my friend.

"I just can't tell you what you want to hear. Which seems to be a theme in my life right now. Just because you can't stay something, it doesn't mean you don't want to, you can want to very much. You can be with a person and be happy with them and not love them, or you can love someone and not want to be with them. You don't need to love someone to want them. But it's frustrating. You know when your brain tells you what you want and what you actually want don't match up, it's exhausting.

And well, it's complicated. But that's life. And life...sucks."

- George O'Malley, Grey's Anatomy

two times eight, twenty four? ummm.

We were driving home from Wellington, it was dark, Denny was driving.

Somehow we got on the topic of maths!

"Jamie sucks at maths." Kat said.

"Yes, I do! I am so bad at it," I replied.

"Ohhh no Jamie, honestly you are not worse than me," Denny exclaimed. I began to feel real good about myself, saying "OHHH yes I am so worse! I'm so bad at maths!" Kinda got the feeling that maybe I wasn't the only one, thank bloody god.

"Seriously Jamie, I am really bad!"

Kat piped up in the back. "Jamie, what's two times negative two?"

I thought for a moment. "Two?"

"..."

"Ohh, Jamie." They laughed for a while. "Jamie, I didn't realise how bad you really were." Denny said, lolling.

It's official. I suck at maths! Time to get a times table sheet for the back of my door.

i love you!

"Hey! You there. You are more normal than any of the other assholes in this room."

- Diane Keaton, The Family Stone

Most definitely one of my favourite movies!

b.o.b

I like the sound men in war movies' gear makes when they run. It's this funny rattling, I love it. Guns and bags and bullets and layers of clothing and boots and hats and bits and pieces, everything they own.

I'm watching Band of Brothers with dad.

I REALLY REALLY LOVE WAR MOVIES.

for me.

I'm kinda crushing on Jackie Chan from Rush Hour...it's on TV and I just sorta swooned when he started dancing to that 'I'll be Missing You' song by Puff Daddy. and apparently he danced to the Beach Boys earlier in the movie which was the cherry,

on top,

of the cake.

I like such strange people sometimes...seriously. I really like Garth in Wayne's World which is weird because he wouldn't really be considered good looking? I guess he's not, but those glasses hold all the appeal.

a little bit of truth.

HELLS YEAH.

Let's not ever forget this.

sister2sister.

I love having so many sisters I can't keep track! It's the best. It means, really, that I have this huge group of friends. I'm not lonely in the world.

They're friends who I can't escape and they can't escape me. That is actually really cool. Sorry guys, you're stuck with me!

Going to see Precious tonight with Aim! Very excited. I've wanted to see this for such a long time. (As in like a couple of weeks, but yanno) haha

Time for a walk through the orchard.

i like the way your sparkling earrings lay.

You know what the Eagles remind me of? A Nicholas Sparks novel. Or a novel in general. They tell tales of American heartaches, lonely cowboys, love, everything. When I listen to the songs I just get immersed in this kind of story.

Someone who can't hide their lying eyes,

someone who should take it easy, and lighten up while they still can,

a desperado who should let somebody love them before it's too late,

another tequila sunrise,

a peaceful easy feeling, and someone who's already standing on the ground,

taking it to the limit one more time,

and all that jazz.

So much fun!