The Wrestler.

If you want to watch a movie, watch this.

I watched it this afternoon with a can of coke and tears spilling out of my eyes, and as a result I've had the weirdest evening. You know those movies where you can't really get over them? You have to TELL people about them and then they don't respond in the way you want you get sad? This happened to me. When it was over I layed back and listened to the credit song roll by.

Oh, this was amazing.

Mickey Rourke was beautiful. His face, his body, his voice, his eyes, the way he breathed. He oozed loneliness. Even though he was torn up and rugged and his muscles were as big as my head, he was... so soft.

And lonely. Not to mention lonely. I have no idea why I have a love affair with lonely characters in books and movies, but I just do.

I LOVED IT!

Thank you life for bringing this wonderful movie into existence which made me realise that... oh, god, what did it make me realise? Like everything? That people get lonely? That people make mistakes? And people have to do things to make it right again.

"I just want to tell you, I'm the one who was supposed to take care of everything. I'm the one who was supposed to make everything okay for everybody. It just didn't work out like that. And I left. I left you. You never did anything wrong. I used to try to forget about you. I used to try to pretend that you didn't exist, but I can't. You're my girl. You're my little girl. And now, I'm an old broken down piece of meat... and I'm alone. And I deserve to be all alone. I just don't want you to hate me."

tik tok

The hardest decisions are the ones that concern other people as well as yourself.

No matter what people say, expectations are always there.

And we do care.

It's because we care about other people and how they feel about you; it's human nature, we want them to be happy.

But it can really be difficult, the expectations.

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM! is what we need.

gold.

There are way too many ridiculously good looking people on this earth.

i'm her yesterday man.

I have a thing for tall, dark brooding men who say little, and native Americans with long hair and have become hard and tan under the sun,

and generally "I have a thing for people who have a thing for me".

oh, William.

My great-great-great-grandfather has published three novels and I haven't read a single one.
My project for this summer: read them!
So I can learn who he was, his life, his feelings, his thoughts. He's a part of me and I'm a part of him...

I'M EXCITED!

a person.

She is an amazing person.

It was one of those nights where you are so wowed, so confused, so enlightened, by someone you hardly know.

She is so worldly and so OUT THERE.

She told me her entire love story over drinks at Havana, amongst the clouds of smoke and indie drinkers; her love story was beautiful. Even though it's painful, and tragic, and depressive, and completely unsolveable, I wish I could have a love story like that. Where you love so passionately and so violently that it changes you immensely, shakes you to your core, and even though it breaks your heart you feel safe knowing that you have loved.

Well, my friend. You and me are so completely different. We're like two peas in different pods. We're like the batters on opposite teams.

But it works.

I learnt so much from you the other night.

Thanks for the lemon curd. It was freakin' amazing.

And seeing you read Janet Frame's poems? Inspirational.

love actually.

"Yeah, it looks like a dead baby's finger. Ugh, tastes like it too. I'm Colin, by the way."

"I'm Nancy."

"And what do you do, Nancy?"

"I'm a cook."

"Do you ever do weddings?"

"Yes."

"They should've asked you to do this one."

"They did."

"God, I wish you hadn't've turned it down."

"I didn't."

"Ahehe...*walks off* I now know why I don't like English girls! They're stuck up, you see. I'm primarily attracted to something cooler, game for a laugh. Like American girls. That's why I need to go to America!"

"No, Colin, you're a lonely, ugly asshole. You must accept it."

"No. I'm Colin, God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all."

?

How does he do this?

It's like he hasn't a care, hasn't a feeling in the whole world. Perhaps he doesn't know what he's doing; maybe he thinks he's being normal. Maybe he thinks I'm the one being like that.

But i'm not.

He got my hopes up so badly the other day, I was happy, I was smiling, I kept thinking about it, I couldn't wait to see him next.

Shot down.

Like an arrow.

So, how CAN he do this? To be totally honest, it's like he has schizophrenia.

Jesus, H. Christ.

:)

Home alone till Tuesday! I love being home alone; I get bored easily, but I love it. I absolutely love it.

What to do, what to do?

Tonight: Peter Pan ballet at St James! :-) My first ballet - oh Pete, please give me a goodun. I'm excited as hell.

Reading: Road to Paradise by Paullina Simons. I love her writing; I don't think I'll read the Bronze Horseman again for about a year or so; even though I really really really want to, I have to wait and let the anticipation build up. This book is brilliant, however, a good interlude. It took me a while to get into it. I didn't like Gina that much, I thought it was strange that these two girls who didn't like each other very much were road tripping TOGETHER? I meandered through it, I came to love the two girls and how different they were. It makes for a good novel!

Listening to: Working Class Man by Jimmy Barnes. Oh, he was a looker. I reckon he is ideal. It always makes my heart pound when he mentions "Well he loves a little woman, someday he'll make his wiiiiiiiiiiiiife..." cute. cute cute. I love singing this on Singstar.

Watched: I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer. Oh god. I watched this last night; they should have stopped at the second one! i have to say, it ain't the same without ol' Freddie Prince Jr and J Love-Hewitt. I didn't even watch the end of it.

Tonight,

da na da na na.

Tonight.

Love.

last christmas, I gave you my heart.

Christmas Time;

I remember everything, listening to Snoopy's Christmas with mum, decorating the tree and making sure Nannie's angel is always placed near the top, picking our favourite decorations with my nieces and nephews. Singing Last Christmas dramatically and swooning over George Michael.

"when i first took your hand on that cold christmas eve, you promised me broadway was waiting for me..."

Watching U Choose Top 40 Christmas songs on Christmas Eve.

Nearly crying with Mason as we watch John Lennon's Christmas song video clip.

Laughing at Bony M's funny outfits.

Watching Home Alone with my nephews and the Grinch and half of the Nightmare Before Christmas because we end up getting bored; me watching Love Actually before I sleep.

Making gingerbread men or shall I say 'ging-men'.

I love it,

I love Christmas eve better than Christmas!

& I love the people I share it with.