post 9/11 depression.

i had a dream on saturday night that i was in new york when the towers fell on 9/11.

i dreamed that me and my workmates were having breakfast in new york, across the water (i've never been to new york so i'm not sure where!) and we could see the city perfectly. it was then the planes flew, one by one, into the twin towers. i saw it happen, and we all gasped in shock and awe. later, i saw the building start to crumble. i turned to james, and tiffany, and said "do you think we'll be able to feel the ground shake?" and we did. it was like an earthquake. we sat there screaming. 

when i woke up, i felt like it had just happened, like that fateful day was today. it was almost like i was finally just now reacting to it, more than ten years later.
on september 11 2001, i was a mere 11 year old girl not fully understanding or comprehending what happened. i knew "america had been bombed" and that many people died, and that towers and planes were involved. i saw footage on tv. i saw. but i didn't really...see. little new zealand, so far away.

i spent all of last sunday in bed, watching youtube clips after youtube clips, pouring over wikipedia articles and websites, all about what happened. i began reading extremely loud and incredibly close that night, and fell in love. i felt such an overwhelming sadness and grief over what happened. i watched "phone calls from the towers" and bawled my eyes out. i lay in bed that night lamenting over those that were lost, and everything that happened.

it happened more than 10 years ago, and i really just can't handle. i can't get over it.

okay, time to go back to reading extremely loud and see what oskar's up to. that boy is my ultimate fave.