blues.

I have a tendency to get sad. Not sobbing on my bed (well, there have been the odd occasions) kinda sad, but just this feeling of absolute sadness that comes out of nowhere and just takes over. Whenever this happens, I try and figure out what the cause is - usually it's my shyness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not always this quiet, timid person. I have a massive laugh, and once I'm comfortable with someone I will chew your ear off and crack rad jokes. But it's when I'm not comfortable with people, is when I'm shy and awkward. It really gets me down. It's the things that I want to say, but I can't, it's those moments where I could've said something but I didn't, those moments where other people say all the right things at the right time, but I don't.
It's me comparing myself with other people. Me wishing I was smart, beautiful, with the funny one-liners. It's me regretting what I haven't said. I find myself waking up every morning thinking, today I'll say what I want to say and I'll say what I mean. But then the shyness takes over. 

I'm determined to not let this get to me. I am more than my shyness. I am so, so much more. 

disposable camera goodness

at my bestie's cousin's 21st birthday (mouthful!), disposable cameras were handed out to certain party-goers to "document the night".

bad idea giving us the camera! we didn't really know anyone so we ended up just taking pictures of ourselves and other people taking pictures. 

the top picture is my favourite :) you can see random images of other people over us. it's fab. 

heart song #4632472.

I been trying to do it right

I been living a lonely life

I been sleepin' here instead

I been sleepin' in my bed

I been sleepin' in my bed

So show me family

All the blood that I will bleed

I don't know where I belong

I don't know where I went wrong

But I can write a song

I belong with you, you belong with me

You're my sweetheart

I belong with you, you belong with me

You're my

I don't think you're right for him

Think of what it might have been if we

Took a bus to Chinatown

I'd be standin' on canal, and Bowery

And she'd be standin' next to me

I belong with you, you belong with me

You're my sweetheart

I belong with you, you belong with me

You're my sweetheart

this song means so much at this point in time,
one of those songs.

best of tumblr.

follow me!

thursday tune!

Sweet wonderful you, you make me happy with the things you do. 

Oh, can it be so? This feeling follows me wherever I go.

I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try. 

beslie/len

Currently shipping: Ben and Leslie from Parks and Recreation.

I just want to say a big sorry to my downstairs neighbours for my uncontrollable loud laughter and "awwwwwww"s whenever Leslie and Ben do something cute. I'm home alone, still slightly sick and I love Parks & Rec. Sorry 'bout it.

there can be only one.

As this weekend comes to a close, I've realised how amazing it was and how much i needed it.

i've been sick since wednesday - i took thursday and friday off work because i caught the damn flu (blurgh!) i wasn't very well, fever and throbbing headache and being home alone when you're sick is the worst. but i got by with butter flavoured Vick's VapoDrops (butter, i know! strangely addictive...) haha.

friday night, i watched the Voice (as per usual) with a friend, and got drunk dialed by le workmate at 2am which was HILARIOUS :) he makes me laugh!

saturday, i treated myself to junk food and dvds. my heart broke when i watched Like Crazy, have any of you seen it? utterly heartbreaking! amazing acting though, i can't believe the whole script was improvised. fantastic, such beautiful people. and i absolutely bawled my eyes out in Sarah's Key. this movie has definitely made its way to my top movies. Kristin Scott Thomas is amazing. 

suuuuunday, i did some writing because i'm quite behind on my creative writing...eek. i feel a lot more up to speed on my novel ideas and i'm definitely going to crank out some writing time this week. to top off my weekend, my bff sarah came and watched dvds with me, coke, chips and chocolate. i watched the highlander for the first time and made many puns regarding the famous quote "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" and we giggled relentlessly to scary movie 3 which is the movie we watched aaaaaaall the time when we were sixteen. "homie, you know i always gotchor back!" 

after all that, i'm ready for the coming week. ready to catch up on my piles and piles of work waiting for me tomorrow...

listening to:

ray lamontagne (beautiful!) and the rolling stones' "angie"

reading:

extremely loud & incredibly close - nearly done!

watching:

like crazy, sarah's key, the highlander and scary movie 3

doppleganger from 1902.

Let me tell you something about the above pictures.

The girl with the fringe and the cheeky sideways grin is my great-grandmother Millie. This is her class photo from 1902. 

She looks exactly like me.

When me and my sister Sam were going through Grandad's things after he passed away two years ago, we found this picture hanging on his wall. Never having properly studied it, we took a good look and Mum pointed out, "Look, there's Millie!". Looking from her to me, they gasped.

We took the photo around the whole family and everyone was saying the same thing. It looks like I'm standing there, with the fringe (I had that exact fringe at the time, and trust me, it is just as boofy!), with the hair, with the cheeky side grin, the nose, the face shape. 

I feel such an eerie honour to look just like my beautiful great-grandmother Millie. It's so wonderful! 

give me love, ed.

Guess who just scored tickets to Ed Sheeran, Auckland, March 2013?

THIS GUY.

I cannot contain my excitement! He is one amazing ginger. He is my ultimate boy crush. I think me and him would be great together, basically.

x

song of le day.

I wish you out of the woods, and into the picture with me.
I wish you over the moon, and out of the question and be.

This is gonna run round in my head, I might as well be dreaming. 
Run around in my head.

I rollercoaster for you, time out of mind, it must be heavenly. 
It's all enchanted and wild, just like my heart said it was gonna be. 

If this is gonna run around in my head, I might as well be dreaming. 
Run around in my head. 

- 'Out of the Woods' by Nickel Creek

mayer, may i?

new boy crush.

reasons:

his voice is the epitome of beauty,

he makes me want to dance,

the song below,

& every song he has ever sung

why have i never listened to mayer hawthorne before? 

mind blown. 

you are beautiful. 

dancin' on my own

Being home alone means:
- I can walk around in my undies,
- Sing as loud as I want to Classic Hits in the morning (taaaaake...onnnnn....meeee! take ON me),
- Dance around the house (I had a "Girls" moment yesterday when I danced around the house to Robyn's 'Dancing On My Own', one of my finest moments)
- I can chatter to myself and talk to the fish (we've got two fish named Freddie and Giggles - sadly Barry, Jack Jr and Teddy passed away last weekend...)

One of my best friends have been staying with me, but she moved into her new flat in Thorndon today! :) So I'm once again on my lonesome, but I absolutely adore it.
Last night I drank coke, ate lollies and watched The Darjeeling Limited which is one of my absolute absolute favourite movies in the world. So, freaking, hilarious! I adore Owen, Adrian and Jason more than words can express.

"Let's go get a drink and smoke a cigarette."

extremely loud & incredibly close, pg. 79.

"The letter she gave me was sixty-seven pages long. It was the story of her life...I learned so much. She sang in her youth. She had been to America as a girl. I never knew that. She had fallen in love so many times that she began to suspect she was not falling in love at all, but doing something much more ordinary. I learned that she never learned to swim, and for that reason she always loved rivers and lakes. She asked her father, my great-grandfather, your great-great-grandfather, to buy her a dove. She even convinced herself that it contained flight, but did not fly, because it did not want to show anyone what it really was.
That was how much she loved her father.
The letter was destroyed, but its final paragraph is still inside me.
She wrote, I wish I could be a girl again, with the chance to live my life again. I have suffered so much more than I needed to. And the joys I have felt have not always been joyous. I could have lived differently. When I was your age, your grandfather bought me a ruby bracelet. It was too big for me and would slide up and down my arm. It was almost a necklace. He later told me that he had asked the jeweler to make it that way. Its size was supposed to be a symbol of his love. More rubies, more love. But I could not wear it comfortably. I could not wear it at all. So here is the point of everything I have been trying to say.
If I were to give a bracelet to you, now, I would measure your wrist twice.
With love,
Your grandmother."

"You, you're everything!"

"The reason why people treat me like I'm nothin' is because I'm nothin'"

travel bug!

As we speak, my flatmate/best friend is sitting at Auckland airport waiting for her flight to LA/Frankfurt/Toulouse, France, where she begins her wonderful adventures.

She just texted me saying "I'm reading my France Lonely Planet and I just found out there's a town called Condom."

I'm so excited for her, I can't even sit still.
I love travelling. It's one of my favourite things to do - even flying domestic is thrilling for me. I'm one of those people who look out the window in awe, the whole trip. I love airports, reading books and magazines, wandering, people watching, and flying to a new place.
In the past year I've been to Fiji and Melbourne, and I'm ready to add to those destinations...any suggestions?
Any great places you've been to that you can reccomend?