ben hawthorne. ultimate man.

My two favourite boys:

Can't get enough!

Halloween 2012 - the one where i was a cat.

Saturday night - oh, what a night! 

The first night I've ever stayed out until 6am. Ever. So, my friend Sarah and I scored free tickets to a Weta Workshop Halloween Party. Big deal. Very big deal. We found out like, 2 hours before it began so we didn't have much time to prepare! 

We started the night at my friend Sarah's flat BBQ which was fun - we took control of the iTunes and played party DJ. We've decided to quit our day jobs and become DJ's. Pretty excited. We then meandered into town and got a drink at one of our favourite bars, Kitty O'Sheas. Kitty plays amazing 90s music all night which is fan-freaking-tastic. The barman, named Charlie, gave us face paint so we then transformed each other into Harry Potter, and "Hermione-Post-Polyjuice-Potion" (remember when she turns into a cat?!).

 

We then made our way through the Halloween crowds (EVERYONE was dressed up, it was crazy) to the Weta Party. Can I just say, what an amazing party! The theme was "Apocolympics" so most people dressed as zombie sports players. The outfits were out of this world (as you can expect from the people who actually work for Weta Workshop...) so I felt like a bit of a chump with my whiskers. We drank corona's and befriended digital designers and the like. We became buds with a dragon who kept hitting people by accident with his wings (I gave him a wing hi-5) and a cool pink bunny.

We met up with Sarah's friend Laura and spent the rest of the night dancing at Electric Avenue, a rad night club that plays 80s and 90s music all night. It's pretty much amazing. I may or may not have pulled some, or all, of my muscles dancing. The Grease soundtrack, yes please. Gangnam style? Okay. Backstreet Boys, Ice Ice Baby, Can't Touch This, Push It, Total Eclipse Of The Heart, ohmygodohmygodohmygod. 

So, when the sun began to come up at 6am, I realised I better drag my drunk ass home. 

Some nights, eh?

one pair of glasses

I have this pair of vintage glasses with clear lenses, that I obvs never wear, but are the coolest.

My friend Simon spied them in my room tonight, and we played around with them. He loves anything vintage.
"I love glasses," I said, absent-mindedly.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, you quite like the boys in glasses, don't you?"
"Have I told you that before?"
"Once or twice..."
"Oh..Well, it's true. Boys in glasses...unf."

Glasses are my kryptonite, yo.
Also, we discussed who we would be in New Girl - Simon, according to my flatmate Pauline, would be Winston. Simon said that I'd be Jess and Pauline would be Cece. Yus! I love Jess! Pauline definitely has Cece's boobs, that's for sure.
That's another cool-tv-character-i've-been-related-to. Someone said I'm like Lesley Knope from Parks & Rec and Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. Now I've got Jess to add to my list. Shucks, guys. Shucks.

Alright, back to Breaking Bad!
#obsessed.

You Deserve To Fall In Love.

You deserve love. Not just any kind of love but, like big “I think I’m going to puke if you touch me (in a good way) and regress into a 16-year-old psycho if you don’t text me back” kind of love. You deserve to feel like a sexual being and have someone around who wants to see you naked all the time and doesn't mind that you have cellulite or that your stomach has terrifying pockets of fat because bodies are flawed and you better deal with it, bitch.

You deserve to be proven wrong, to be brought back to life by someone’s kindness at a time when you thought that no one would ever love you again. The song does not remain the same. Lo and behold, the person you like actually wants to date you and now you know that you’re not the hideous monster you thought you were. Your faith has been restored. You’re lovable. You have the relationship to prove it.

You deserve to have high highs again, even if that means experiencing the occasional low. You forget the euphoria you often feel when you fall in love. You know on a certain level that it feels amazing but you forget the specifics. Like, how your life immediately becomes a stupid Taylor Swift song and your heart does somersaults over something as simple as a sweet text message or phone call. Every ounce of maturity and pride you've carefully cultivated over the years disappears and suddenly you’re just another person who’s fallen in love and is acting like a smitten teenager. It’s totally embarrassing but you’re too happy to care.

You deserve to do annoying couple-y things like making each other mixes, walking down the street hand-in-hand, making out in bars, and posting stupid pictures of the two of you on Facebook. Yes, everyone will hate you but, screw it, you’re in love! You’re owed this experience. You've never been that annoying person in a relationship, or at least you haven’t in awhile, so why not just go for it and let everyone know you’re in love? Your internet presence will suffer but who needs validation from the internet when you have a real life person giving you a scalp massage before bed every night?

You deserve compassion, understanding, oral sex, long, lingering make out sessions, and spooning. You deserve to feel safe and spoken for. Most importantly, you deserve passion. Big, messy, disgusting, and beautiful passion. Having that means you’re living and loving with a capital L. You've unlocked the secret. You get it now.

You only live once so why don’t you love a lot? Time is too precious to sit around and deny yourself this kind of romantic fulfillment. When you think of all the time you've wasted closing yourself off from human connection, doesn't it make your heart sick? We were built to love. Go do your job, dammit!

- Ryan O'Connell, Thought Catalog

um, yes.

everything about this article. 

I'm having a read of this article, 23 Things No One Cares About But You, and I realised how many things I can relate to. So much. I find that I can be quite an awkward person at times, and I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

These are my faves:

1. Thinking that the people watching you cross the street from inside their cars are judging your face, clothing or the way you walk.


3. Thinking you’re causing sidewalk congestion by moving to the side to check your phone even though you’re not sure what else to do.


4. Shame that you messed up the dinner you made for yourself last night, meaning you’re not ready to be an adult. (So. Freaking. Much. Sorry boys, I'm not quite housewife material yet!) 


6. Thinking people are still not sure about you after a stupid joke you made a zillion years ago.


7. Accidentally making eye contact with a stranger more than once, meaning you’re a creep.


10. How many times you coughed lightly during a conversation.


13. If you stared too long at someone’s dog as they walked by. Do they think you’re going to like, steal their dog now? (Every morning, I smile at the two pugs this old man takes for a walk. I smile at the pugs, not the man. He must think I'm a loony.)


14. That you wore the same dress twice around the same people, and they might think you never change clothes. (At university, me and my friend made Friday our waistcoat day. Every Friday I'd wear my waistcoat, and unfortunately that was the only day I had my International Relations class. Those people only ever saw me in a waistcoat. Awks.)


15. If you haven’t seen the latest Breaking Bad episode or ever watched Mad Men and you think people will find you out of touch or boring.


17. Accidentally saying “you too” when a server says, “Enjoy your meal.” (or, alternatively, "Happy Birthday!" "You too!")


19. How nerdy or not nerdy or cool and uncool you were in high school. It’s over, no one cares about high school anymore.

leo throwback.

"My only love sprung from my only hate."

nostalgia.

"There is a word in Portuguese that has no direct English translation. At times, it can be used to express an emotional longing for a beloved and absent person or thing. The word is “saudade” and it refers to a nearly indefinable nostalgic condition. Some say saudade is “the love that remains” after someone or something is gone… All of my dislocated memories hurt less when I stop twisting around to see what’s behind me, so I’m going to try to glance back a little less."
- Thought Catalog

4 parties later...

In four years I've had four grand birthday parties. 

When I turned 20, we had a 60s themed birthday full of handjives, the Boat That Rocked and Hairspray soundtracks and lots of dancing. I wore a ridiculous striped dress that I still have in my closet. 
When I turned 21, we had a tea party theme and it was literally (said in Chris from Parks & Rec's voice) the best night. Lots of amazing people from both uni and from my hometown came, hilarious speeches, and my flatmate Simon and I did a huge dance and sing to "Under Pressure". We ended the night at Boogie Wonderland (my fave nightclub of all time).
When I turned 22, I had a 90s themed birthday even though no one, including me, dressed 90s. We listened to Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys all night and had the rugby world cup in the background. I may or may not've gotten drunk. 
When I turned 23, my workmates came. I love my workmates. My friend brought me Primo chocolate milk for my birthday (inside joke). We drank the weakest, most sweetest punch in the world and listened to the weird music on my iTunes.

It's funny looking back on how I may have changed - my hair, frizzy, straight in the next. Red faced. Tan, , pale like Edward Cullen.

Each party brought different people together. My 23rd made me realise what people are missing from my life; my friends Tara, Nicole, Becky and Kate. It felt somewhat empty without them there, those who know me so well. I feel like Wellington is not the same without those lovelies, but I need to make the most of the people that are here. I appreciate all of my friends, you know. I think they're all bloody fabulous. 
And I appreciate my birthday parties. 

song of the day - old pine.

Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags, 
I've come to know that memories
Were the best things you ever had
The summer shone beat down on bony backs
So far from home where the ocean stood 
Down dust and pine cone tracks

We slept like dogs down by the fire side
Awoke to the fog all around us 
The boom of summer time

We stood
Steady as the stars in the woods
So happy-hearted
And the warmth rang true inside these bones
As the old pine fell we sang
Just to bless the morning.



this song makes me so, so excited for summer,
for the heat,
the friends,
the family,
home. 
i freaking adore ben howard. 

patience.

I have a journal, and I just found this thing I wrote a little while back which makes me smile:

I'll meet my beau one day - coffee shop, bookstore, zoo, train, New World Metro, plane. On the phone. Or on the street. In some unexpected place.
One day.
I'll know. It'll be right. He'll make me feel smart. Funny. Beautiful. Sexy. Lovely. Romantic. Equal. A best friend.
We'll get a dog. 
We'll cook and drink together. 
We'll talk in bed all night. I'll sleep-talk, and he'll laugh. He'll snore and I'll hate it (but love him). 
We'll both read, a lot. We'll both watch a lot of TV shows. Marathons every weekend. 
He'll buy me presents. 
I'll give him massages. 
We'll fight about small things, then we'll make up because we're both so sorry, and "I love you". 
He'll propose. I'll say no (but be joking, then say "YES!"). 
Patience, my dear. Patience. 


This is why I love having a journal - finding these pieces that I wrote that meant so much to me at the time, that I had completely forgotten about. This piece is one of my faves.
This guy.

dear friend.

listening to:



my new fave.