nostalgia.

"There is a word in Portuguese that has no direct English translation. At times, it can be used to express an emotional longing for a beloved and absent person or thing. The word is “saudade” and it refers to a nearly indefinable nostalgic condition. Some say saudade is “the love that remains” after someone or something is gone… All of my dislocated memories hurt less when I stop twisting around to see what’s behind me, so I’m going to try to glance back a little less."
- Thought Catalog