Thursday, December 26, 2013
Chatter, chips and cider
"I don't like him, because I don't think about him before I go to sleep," she said, over curly fries and cider. "That's how you know you like someone."
Saturday, December 21, 2013
sunday.
Hi guys! Here's a mix of things that have inspired me/made me smile/made me think lately.
I've had a wonderful week in the new house, hanging with friends and laughter in the workplace. We've also got a new addition to the flat, a gorgeous wee Ragdoll kitten named Blanche. I'm in love with her. Pictures soon!
x
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
conversations
"I just...like to make people happy," I said.
"I know," she replied, with a little sympathetic smile.
"She says jump, and you say, how high?" he said.
"What?"
It really made me think. Part of my personality is just that I don't like to cause conflict, and I like to make people feel happy and at ease. But with that kind of comes a price. I am afraid of causing any pain, or arguments, that I struggle to stand up for things that really matter to me. I watched The Kite Runner last night, and realised that out of Hassan & Amir, I am Hassan. Hassan who would do anything for Amir, regardless of what Amir would do for him in return. Selfless. I told my friend James today and he said, I don't think you being a Hassan is a bad thing.
Maybe it's not a bad thing. I like Hassan. Out of the two characters, I would prefer to be friends with him.
There is a line, though, between accepting who you are, and making appropriate changes for your own well-being.
"I know," she replied, with a little sympathetic smile.
"She says jump, and you say, how high?" he said.
"What?"
It really made me think. Part of my personality is just that I don't like to cause conflict, and I like to make people feel happy and at ease. But with that kind of comes a price. I am afraid of causing any pain, or arguments, that I struggle to stand up for things that really matter to me. I watched The Kite Runner last night, and realised that out of Hassan & Amir, I am Hassan. Hassan who would do anything for Amir, regardless of what Amir would do for him in return. Selfless. I told my friend James today and he said, I don't think you being a Hassan is a bad thing.
Maybe it's not a bad thing. I like Hassan. Out of the two characters, I would prefer to be friends with him.
There is a line, though, between accepting who you are, and making appropriate changes for your own well-being.
Monday, December 9, 2013
keeping.
can i keep you?
will these all just be memories one day?
will i look back and say, that was me at 24? this is me now? where has it all gone?
can I keep you?
i don't know if you want to be kept.
but, i'll keep you if you want to keep me too.
will these all just be memories one day?
will i look back and say, that was me at 24? this is me now? where has it all gone?
can I keep you?
i don't know if you want to be kept.
but, i'll keep you if you want to keep me too.
Friday, December 6, 2013
winter wonderland, i wish.
I like summer.
But whenever it's Christmas time, I always wish it was snowing and I could wear Christmas jumpers and hats and gloves, and all the decorations on the tree matched the world outside. It just doesn't fit, sweating on Christmas day and being wet from swimming in the pool. It doesn't feel right. Damn you, southern hemisphere seasons!
I'm still excited for Christmas though, regardless :)
Monday, December 2, 2013
"There are people who show their care by making people feel like welcome, tended to guests. They love having people over and making things perfect for them, reminding them that anything they want is no problem. There are people who use humor to bridge the gaps that we can’t always reach in literal terms — they make people laugh when they need it most, and connect with them over things they both enjoy.
There are people whose love pours out in complicated, profound words. They could fill books on the way their partner looks when they just wake up, or how much they love spending time with their best friend. People love to cook for the ones they love, or do favors, or pamper them, or compliment them, or just hold their hand in silence. And none of these demonstrations of emotion are wrong, or bad. None are not worthy of being acknowledged and appreciated.
The truth is that there will be a million people in your life who actually don’t love you, whose dismissal of your feelings or tendency to ignore what you want are rooted in genuine apathy. They are everywhere, and make navigating our emotional lives even more complicated. But there are also many people who do love us, and who want to show us, but just may not be able to do it in the way we most want to hear. And it’s important to distinguish between the two, to look at the things people are actively doing for us and take account of the things we’re lucky to have in them. Because we are lucky to have love — in any of its forms — and no way of saying “I love you” should be forgotten about."
There are people whose love pours out in complicated, profound words. They could fill books on the way their partner looks when they just wake up, or how much they love spending time with their best friend. People love to cook for the ones they love, or do favors, or pamper them, or compliment them, or just hold their hand in silence. And none of these demonstrations of emotion are wrong, or bad. None are not worthy of being acknowledged and appreciated.
The truth is that there will be a million people in your life who actually don’t love you, whose dismissal of your feelings or tendency to ignore what you want are rooted in genuine apathy. They are everywhere, and make navigating our emotional lives even more complicated. But there are also many people who do love us, and who want to show us, but just may not be able to do it in the way we most want to hear. And it’s important to distinguish between the two, to look at the things people are actively doing for us and take account of the things we’re lucky to have in them. Because we are lucky to have love — in any of its forms — and no way of saying “I love you” should be forgotten about."
- Thought Catalog
Friday, November 29, 2013
the return
It's been a funny few months, you know. I realised when I was walking to the shop this morning, that this whole moving house thing is really good for me. Oh yeah, I'm moving house in two weeks! I can't wait.
But yeah, like I said, it's good for me. Lately I've been feeling very sorry for myself about certain things, and I haven't been feeling like myself. I hate that.
When I was going through my room today, I saw a card my friend Michelle gave me on my 20th birthday. It read: "Your never-ceasing positive attitude never fails to make me smile. You are a truly unique person, whom I think is just rad." And just like that, I remember. The Jamie who was always laughing and smiling about anything. The joker in the group. The one who saw the positive in everything. I love that Jamie. Recently, that Jamie has been pushed aside and this anxious, worried, pessimistic girl has taken over.
So I walked to the shop in the sun, with a perfect song on my iPod, and I just felt good about the world again. About things that are beyond my control. About people I really care about, and how I just want the best for them. About people who don't fit you, and the people who do. About trying to be the best I can be. I'm excited for: my weekly movie nights with James, moving house with my besties Pauline & Kate, my summer in Tauranga with the family, Ellie Goulding in June (got tickets!!!!!) and a new year where anything could happen.
And with that, I'm good.
yes
"Well, you were a dancer,
and I was a rag.
The song in my head,
well, it was all that I had.
Hope was a letter I never could send,
well, love was a country we couldn't defend."
and I was a rag.
The song in my head,
well, it was all that I had.
Hope was a letter I never could send,
well, love was a country we couldn't defend."
- Big Black Car, Gregory Alan Isakov
Sunday, November 24, 2013
turn down the lights.
His voice is better than chocolate. & that's saying something, because I love chocolate.
(also check out "Run Forever" & every other song on the album Prize...)
Friday, November 22, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
sneak peek
it's getting warmer.
i'm getting weaned off tights, scarves and coats. i finally have an excuse to shave my legs! i also almost sweat when i walk to work now. this is new.
it's 8:23pm and my curtains are open, windows wide and the sky is this beautiful, blue-pink colour. it's like a canvas that i want on my wall. all i have to is keep my windows open and i have a sunset feature wall.
i can't wait for summer.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
The Day You Read This
The Day You Read This
On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head, and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn't make any of it any less real.
The soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.
That being alone means you're free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.
That you control that completely.
That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.
That your friends are the reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.
That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.
That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that's why it's worth living.
That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.
That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up to this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.
And so are you.
- Anonymous, I Wrote This For You
On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head, and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn't make any of it any less real.
The soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.
That being alone means you're free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.
That you control that completely.
That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.
That your friends are the reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.
That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.
That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that's why it's worth living.
That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.
That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up to this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.
And so are you.
- Anonymous, I Wrote This For You
Sunday, November 10, 2013
hey dear.
"I know that if you look, you'll see that I'm an open book. It's just in this world, I don't know my way around."
once upon a night.
I wish I could go back to the night we watched Passion Pit live shows on YouTube and lay with our heads resting on each others heads, where we watched Vines and giggled and talked about how it was like we were having a sleepover. Where we suddenly kissed, and kissed until 2am and we were so tired and at work, we would look at each other and say "I keep thinking about last night".
The truth is, I haven't stopped thinking about that night.
The truth is, I haven't stopped thinking about that night.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
petit amelie.
“So, little Amélie, your bones aren’t made of glass. You can take life’s knocks. If you let this chance go by, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton.”
— Amélie. 2001.
— Amélie. 2001.
trees vs leaves
That's the thing about people, you know. They are not the roots of trees, stuck in the soil for a lifetime. They are leaves, changing with the seasons, their destination always changing and dependent on the wind.
They change colour, they are moved and directed by outside forces.
People change all the time. They will be there for you and then they won't. They will care then not care, love then not love, hate then not hate.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm a tree, and everyone around me are leaves.
They change colour, they are moved and directed by outside forces.
People change all the time. They will be there for you and then they won't. They will care then not care, love then not love, hate then not hate.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm a tree, and everyone around me are leaves.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
questions!
What is the weirdest thing someone has ever told you?
About their circumcised penis and how much they wish they were never circumcised. It was my sister's partner and it was awkward.
To you, who is the most inspirational fictional character? Why?
Probably Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower and Tatiana from The Bronze Horseman. Charlie because he's like me; shy, and a bit of a "wallflower" who sees things, and understands them. I just admire Tatiana for getting through WWII (massive feat) and also her love for Alexander...at the moment, I can relate.
What song most reminds you of how you are feeling right now?
Pieces by Andrew Belle. Oh, and Sway by Bic Runga. It's come back into my life with a vengeance.
What is the worst smell you’ve ever smelt?
Vomit takes the cake. I can't STAND it!
Describe your favorite part of your room.
My bed. All the pillows, and the comfy bedspread. I feel at home in my bed.
If you got the chance to live inside one book, movie or television show, what would it be and why?
Book - Harry Potter, because it's Harry Potter.
Movie - God, that's hard. Maybe...Forrest Gump. Because it's my fave. Also Midnight In Paris could be cool.
Television Show - Parks and Recreation. Hands down.
If you could go back and relive one memory without changing it, what would it be?
If you could go back and relive one memory without changing it, what would it be?
Everything that's happened in this past week or so. Oh gosh.
What is the first thing that comes to mind when I say happy?
What is the first thing that comes to mind when I say happy?
Laughing :)
Describe your favorite book without giving its title.
She loves him, he loves her. He is with her sister. They have their little secret, stolen moments. The Germans surround Leningrad. They starve. But they get through it, and they get together and an 8 page sex-scene ensues. Worth the read.
What is something that you’ve done that makes you the most proud?
What is something that you’ve done that makes you the most proud?
Go to university and travel to America.
about time.
I went and saw About Time on Saturday, and I'm kind of in love with it. I love it because it wasn't cheesy, or too centered around romance; it was about living life as if you have traveled back to make it a better moment. Just to live life and make things happen. It's just utterly beautiful. Also, I now have a thing for Domhnall Gleeson who plays Tim. Oh gosh.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
hall-o-ween
I'm going to a Halloween party next weekend.
I have no idea whether to go as something legitimately scary, as an obscure TV character like Leslie Knope or Jesse Pinkman or a sexy bunny like Bridget Jones? (Don't know if I can pull off sexy bunny).
Legitimately scary would be Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls:
x J
I have no idea whether to go as something legitimately scary, as an obscure TV character like Leslie Knope or Jesse Pinkman or a sexy bunny like Bridget Jones? (Don't know if I can pull off sexy bunny).
Legitimately scary would be Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls:
Obscure would be Ryan dressed as Jesse Pinkman in the Office:
And then there's this:
Maybe I'll just go as a ghost. There's nothing easier than putting a sheet over yourself with some sweet eye holes! Last Halloween I just watched Walking Dead by myself in the dark. Sounds lame? It was actually awesome.
x J
Monday, October 14, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
beautiful.
She asks "Are you cursed?"
He says "I think that I'm cured".
I've listened to this 5 times tonight. Woah.
He says "I think that I'm cured".
I've listened to this 5 times tonight. Woah.
The Mindy Project
"Look, Dr L, I've been dumped 36 times in my life. I've been left at the altar 3 times. Two different women faked their own deaths to get away from me. The point is, you can't force yourself to get over someone. It just happens. You know, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 5 years...I don't know." - Morgan
The Mindy Project teaches me so many life lessons. This show is just what I need to get through my 20s. How cute is Mindy Lahiri, and I want a friend just like Morgan.
Friday, October 4, 2013
i like the way you hung the moon, uh huh.
And you, you will be okay.
I know it doesn't feel like it will. But soon, you will see the good in the world again.
x
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
my weekend so far.
Yup. Breaking Bad happened.
I'm onto episode 12 of season 5, and I can't stop and I won't stop.
#cueMileysong
"You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you — it’s something inherent.
You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise."
Daniell Koepke (via elige)
You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise."
Daniell Koepke (via elige)
Monday, September 23, 2013
the end.
How did I stumble across this blog today, at exactly the right time? Weird how things like this happen. Life happens in strange ways. Perfect ways.
My boyfriend like me so much. I knew it in all the ways he talked to me, looked at me, responded to me. I tried, so hard, to feel the same way back. I liked him, he was lovely, smart, witty and had the cutest freckles. It was comfortable with him. But it wasn't exciting. It wasn't passionate. My heart didn't race miles an hour when I saw him, it just beat at normal, regular speed. It was nice. He had the cutest wee dog and cat who cuddled up with us on the couch. But I wanted more than nice. I kept expecting more than nice. I wouldn't have said no to regular make-out sessions, but we hardly kissed. He was shy and serious, waiting for me to make all the moves. I wanted movies and dinners and dancing. I wanted tickle-fights and laughing so hard we cried.
He was planning for the future; he talked about buying a house, he talked about how great a mother I'd make, how he wanted to buy us horses and animals. It was this thinking that most girls would die for, but for some reason I balked from it and cowered from the pressure. I wasn't sure how I felt and I felt like I had to be this person that I wasn't.
He was planning for the future; he talked about buying a house, he talked about how great a mother I'd make, how he wanted to buy us horses and animals. It was this thinking that most girls would die for, but for some reason I balked from it and cowered from the pressure. I wasn't sure how I felt and I felt like I had to be this person that I wasn't.
I wanted more. And in the end, he wanted more too, a different more. I slowly, and obviously made myself unavailable. I was bad at texting him back and I only saw him once a week. I was too nervous to tell him how I really felt, so I avoided it until it became too much and ended in this. And I feel bad about it, I really do. I feel like I want to tell him over and over again how sorry I am, how I wish it could've worked out, and it just wasn't the right time and place. It just didn't work out. I wish it did. I keep wondering if it could've been different, if I had just tried, or done something else. God, I wish I could have given him everything he ever wanted, to fit into him like my heart was made for his heart.
But it wasn't.
It just didn't work.
I wasn't in love with him. Everyone deserves to be loved, and you can't force it. It just happens. It really, really does.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
new york: a love story.
It was raining when I first saw New York.
I dragged my suitcase out of the hot subway into the pouring rain on West 34th and Eighth. My suitcase fell into a puddle and every New Yorker standing under the shelter by the Walgreens stared at me. This crazy, tired (overnight flight from Portland, oh hey, no sleep!) kiwi girl.
But I loved it. God, it was beautiful. The beauty of the tall buildings, the new steel mixed with the old brick, the history behind everything.
I felt like everyone and everything had a story and I wanted to know it all. I took photos of people; a man reading the bible by the Hudson river, a man leaning on a railing looking upset, a happy couple kissing, people that I wanted to know all about.
Our apartment was in Korea Town, 15 minutes walk from Times Square. It had cute quotes on the wall: "You don't have to live in a world all alone. Your family are here too." (Hah)
The first day, I was lost. I didn't know where we were in relation to anything and we wandered aimlessly trying to find our bearings. The lights and hustle and bustle of Times Square became my favourite thing.
It was summer, and the heat took over my body like nothing else. We biked (and sweated) around Central Park, stopping for ice cream and hot dogs, laying in the grass.
We dropped by Starbucks everyday and drank their cold, cold summer chillers. Tara had her first ever coffee by Battery Park. We had our first New York hot dogs and watched the kids play in the fountains.
I fell in love with the 9/11 memorial and I traced all of the names of those who died with my fingertips, almost as if I was trying to feel who they were.
One of the names I remembered from a documentary I watched. I looked above me and tried to imagine what it was like 12 years ago.
Catherine & I had a museum day; 5 hours in the Museum of Natural History, 3 hours in the Metropolitan. My feet have never felt pain like that before ever, but goddamn it was worth it. What amazing museums! I got to see some famous artworks I've studied at uni, up-close and personal, and we got to sit on the Met steps like we were from Gossip Girl.
Rockefeller Center by day, the Empire State Building by night.
It was the 4th of July when was trudged up the Empire; it was still glowing red white and blue from the fireworks. The view was the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen. I felt the wind blow through my hair as I looked out over the world.
I loved the Subway.
Even more so, I loved the couple who made a bet which the girl lost; she had to read out a poem of hers on the Subway. No one said anything, and when I left I said to her, "I really loved it. That was really good." She looked at me as if I was crazy.
I could go on forever. Grand Central Station, and the Grand Central Markets (Expensive strawberries. Amazing spices and cheese). The Chrysler Building from below. Lady Liberty. The Brooklyn Bridge. Stores open until midnight. Cocktails. Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Wicked. Annie, starring Jane Lynch. Pret A Manger. NBC Experience (eeee!). Wrong Subway, nearly ended up in Harlem.
I was truly happy there, you know.
When I was there, I was already making plans to go back.
New York, I well and truly love you!
I dragged my suitcase out of the hot subway into the pouring rain on West 34th and Eighth. My suitcase fell into a puddle and every New Yorker standing under the shelter by the Walgreens stared at me. This crazy, tired (overnight flight from Portland, oh hey, no sleep!) kiwi girl.
But I loved it. God, it was beautiful. The beauty of the tall buildings, the new steel mixed with the old brick, the history behind everything.
I felt like everyone and everything had a story and I wanted to know it all. I took photos of people; a man reading the bible by the Hudson river, a man leaning on a railing looking upset, a happy couple kissing, people that I wanted to know all about.
Our apartment was in Korea Town, 15 minutes walk from Times Square. It had cute quotes on the wall: "You don't have to live in a world all alone. Your family are here too." (Hah)
The first day, I was lost. I didn't know where we were in relation to anything and we wandered aimlessly trying to find our bearings. The lights and hustle and bustle of Times Square became my favourite thing.
It was summer, and the heat took over my body like nothing else. We biked (and sweated) around Central Park, stopping for ice cream and hot dogs, laying in the grass.
We dropped by Starbucks everyday and drank their cold, cold summer chillers. Tara had her first ever coffee by Battery Park. We had our first New York hot dogs and watched the kids play in the fountains.
I fell in love with the 9/11 memorial and I traced all of the names of those who died with my fingertips, almost as if I was trying to feel who they were.
One of the names I remembered from a documentary I watched. I looked above me and tried to imagine what it was like 12 years ago.
Catherine & I had a museum day; 5 hours in the Museum of Natural History, 3 hours in the Metropolitan. My feet have never felt pain like that before ever, but goddamn it was worth it. What amazing museums! I got to see some famous artworks I've studied at uni, up-close and personal, and we got to sit on the Met steps like we were from Gossip Girl.
Rockefeller Center by day, the Empire State Building by night.
It was the 4th of July when was trudged up the Empire; it was still glowing red white and blue from the fireworks. The view was the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen. I felt the wind blow through my hair as I looked out over the world.
I loved the Subway.
Even more so, I loved the couple who made a bet which the girl lost; she had to read out a poem of hers on the Subway. No one said anything, and when I left I said to her, "I really loved it. That was really good." She looked at me as if I was crazy.
I could go on forever. Grand Central Station, and the Grand Central Markets (Expensive strawberries. Amazing spices and cheese). The Chrysler Building from below. Lady Liberty. The Brooklyn Bridge. Stores open until midnight. Cocktails. Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Wicked. Annie, starring Jane Lynch. Pret A Manger. NBC Experience (eeee!). Wrong Subway, nearly ended up in Harlem.
I was truly happy there, you know.
When I was there, I was already making plans to go back.
New York, I well and truly love you!
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