memories//moments

"There are places I'll remember

All my life, though some have changed

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends, I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life, I've loved them all."

There's a song I've recently discovered again that my mother adores, and it is "In My Life" by The Beatles. It's a beautiful song, about remembering the people that have been in your life, throughout the years, and how much they have impacted your life.
This song takes me back to the nights where my parents and I listened to records, dancing, chatting.

My mother has wanted this as her funeral song since before I can remember. Yesterday as I was pouring through Lauren Conrad's amazingly beautiful wedding photos (I have mega wedding envy, like you wouldn't believe...see the pictures here!) I found out that "In My Life" was the song that she walked down the aisle to.

And now listening to this song, I can see how magical that would have been.

It made me think, though. All my life I have held onto memories and made myself sad, nostalgic and stressed when these moments were over, and that was that. They were over. And I tried so hard to recreate them. Growing up, I was extremely close my nephews. We all kind of grew up together. I was older than them, but we were still children. We had a Christmas tradition of staying at my mum's house, make gingerbread men and take a photo of us three atop a hill overlooking the river. We would take a photo at the same time every year.

People grow. Lives change.

We are not thirteen, eight and five anymore. My oldest nephew has joined the army and moved in with his girlfriend. The younger, has turned 15, is starting to grow facial hair and I haven't seen him since Christmas. We haven't done our tradition since I was twenty. It's been five years. But that's what it was.

We were young. We were free. We were able do to these things. We can't always come together and be exactly as we were when we were children.

Moments are moments. Memories can help you retain them. They don't ever really leave. You can pull them out of your memory bank whenever you need them. I now grasp that idea, after 25 years of trying so hard to recreate these moments, or hold onto the past.

My parents & I haven't listened to records for a while now. But we always talk about it.